fear of growing up?

[lovebexs]

just googled and apparently it has a real name: gerascophobia
does anybody else get this? like i have this diary entry from when i turned 10 and the whole thing is me being upset that i'll never be a single digit age again. i'm 18 right now and i've already begun to fear my 20th birthday, since it'll mean i'm leaving behind the teen years.. turning 18 was awful, since i officially became an adult :/ i cried for days.. when i go out clubbing and meet random people i don't plan on seeing again, i always lie and tell them i'm younger, like 15 or 16, which they rarely believe, but makes me feel better. especially when i'm drunk, i just love to lie and pretend i'm a bit younger. i know that's pretty common for women to do, but my friends all get embarresed when they're chatting up guys and i'm like "oh yeah, i'm 15!" they''re like "becs, can you not do that?" but it makes me feel better about myself sort of...

and i love it when people call me immature, childish, or say i look young. instead of asking people to hang out, i'll say "let's have a playdate!" or "let's go play this wednesday!" but that's just something silly i do. i have one friend who always tells me i'm "playful" and i like that because it makes me feel young, and i'm always like "let's play!" and i feel like we're kids together. i'm very mature in some ways (i go to school in a different country, i have my own flat, and i often take care of my friends both physically and mentally) but in other ways i'm a child (i can barely cook, do the washing, i'm such a slob). sometimes i feel like i've experienced life really fast when it comes to things like drugs and sex, but at the same time i'm still a little girl and i just want to curl up and draw and play with coloring books all day if that makes sense. i never want to be old and wrinkly and not be able to run around and be a kid still.

sometimes i get into these weird moods, where i feel like a little girl, and i can't do anything for myself. i won't cook or clean or do my work until i feel like a grown up again. i'll make my friends cut my food and take care of me and they'll be like "you're so weird, grow up" but they just laugh it off as part of my weirdness. sometimes when i get in those moods i really do worry for myself though. that's when i go on drug binges and fuck strangers cause i have no self control. i just go wild and want to do everything at once and play with everybody and have as much as possible and i'm like wheee lifes so cool and i'm young and my parents aren't here! so i need my friends to be like "stop drinking, don't snort that, don't go off with him, go to bed, eat something, calm down, we're going home" even if i get mad at them at the time.

i never ever ever want to be old and be an adult. i want to be a kid. i'm already to old and when i think about it, i could cry. does anybody else feel this way? sorry this ended up mad long, didn't mean for it to, but i could go on for ages about this :/

[Pumpkin]

I feel that way too... I get annoyed when people say I look like 13/14, or they accuse my ID of being fake when we go into town with friends. I turned 19 just over two weeks ago and I realised that its my last teen year. When I hit 18 I knew it was approaching but I still had 2 years left, now it's really freaking me out.

It doesn't help that I have younger sisters, two of which are under 10. i keep thinking that when i'm 40 they'll be in their late 20's and that makes me feel really old and helpless... sometimes I hate my parents for having them so late! GRR! When I read Eragon and that the elves live for 200 years or so I felt so jealous, even though its not even real lol :(

I suppose growing old is inevitable, but I really am dreading getting old. :(

[lovebexs]

I feel that way too... I get annoyed when people say I look like 13/14, or they accuse my ID of being fake when we go into town with friends
hahah aw see i like that! i would get annoyed if i couldn't get into a bar (especially in america where my id actually IS fake lol) since getting drunk is a favorite activity for me, and i'd hate to be the reason my friends couldn't get in, but being told i look super young and younger than the age on my ID makes me feel good. i worry i'm already looking too old


It doesn't help that I have younger sisters, two of which are under 10. i keep thinking that when i'm 40 they'll be in their late 20's and that makes me feel really old and helpless... sometimes I hate my parents for having them so late! GRR! When I read Eragon and that the elves live for 200 years or so I felt so jealous, even though its not even real lol :(

i do that a lot with my younger cousin :[ i keep thinking how she'll be having so much fun in young years, when i'm getting old and forced to get a job and boring shit like that.. and wow 200 years, i wish! i read an article once about they wee able to double the life span of some bug, i think it was moths, and it gave me so much hope they could expand human lives.. i don't think it will happen in our life times though

[need.to.be.thin]

You sound just like me. I kind of glad it has a name, i think people think im lieing when i say i hate my birthday/growing up because i do not know one person who hates this apart from old people lol.
I think it started when i turnt 13 and was officially a teenager, before that i loved my birthday i remember turning 10 and being so excited for double digits haha. Also i start senior school around this time so i guess it was when i had to start taking responsibility.
I turnt 18 in March, arrghhh. I still hate thinking im 18 when people ask i always say 17 and they say 'no your not your 18' and ill be like 'ohh forgot, habit to say 17 :p' i cried on my 18th too i hate hate hate hate being an 'adult'! In fact i think i cried on every birthday since i was 13 lol, on my 14th i remember staying in my bed all day and crying my mum was so upset trying to cheer me up. Im really wierd about birthdays too, i dont really tell anyone when its my birthday because i dont want a big fuss and on my birthday morning only my mum is allowed in my room to open presents with me and then the rest of the family wait until i feel ready to come out of my room and see everyone lol.

I think i've experienced life fast, like i had my first serious boyfriend young, starting drinking, clubbing and trying drugs when i was about 13 and i felt really grown up then. But at the same time i feel really naive and innocent to alot of things, i act like such a kid, it doesnt help that everyone treats me like a child aswell. Most of my friends are in their 20's so im the baby of the group, im youngest in my family. My mum especially is bad at treating me like a child, sometimes she brushes and drys my hair, tidys my room lol. I dont really take responsibilty for anything because everyone does it for me. I cant even think about getting old, ughh no way, 19 scares me! 20.. Dont even go there.
It's weird because i have friends who are in their 20s and i dont see them as old but when it's me it just sounds horrible. I dont want to sound like a drama queen or attention seeking but i seriously cannot even comprehend life after 25!!!

Lol about cutting your food, i've had friends cut my food and help dress me before lol. I can so relate i have these times, not often because i hate alcohol cals, where i just go mental end up in stupid situations..
I just dont want to grow up. Wish i could be looked after forever. Just wanted to let you know your not alone i could relate to everything you said. Hope your okay xxx

[tutu]

I'm like that too. I look younger than I am and a lot of people assume I'm 15 or 16 rather than 18, which I ADORE. I love it because i don't want to grow up, I like being little and I miss it. But I live my life like I'm still a child, sort of. I drive myself everywhere and I go to college and I am very much an adult, and I am definitely more mature than many others my age, but what I mean is that I still live at home with my parents, my mom still buys me clothes sometimes if she happens to find me something nice, I do save up my own money but my parents pay for most of my things, etc.

But I think that for me a lot of it is to do with the ballet. In the ballet world, at least in my ballet world, we get treated young in a way throughout all of our careers -- always someone guiding you (teacher, coach, directors), always someone taking care of you, not to mention you can't dance very late into your life.

If [WHEN, lol] I get into the Bolshoi academy, I will be so excited, not only because it's a dream come true, but it will be like extending my childhood by a few years.