Aren't you all sick of suffering, too?

[sugarsweetmelon]

I have been anorexic for just under a year now.
A couple of months ago, i weighed just 35.9kg at a height of 1.58m.. a bmi of just 14! this almost cost me my family, my friends, my boyfriend. i am now sitting at a bmi of 16, and they are so happy and supportive.


i just wanted to know, is anyone else sick of this? am i a 'bad' anorexic for just wanting to throw in the towel and be "normal"???? at breaktime, i sit and watch my friends eat, not thinking "haha silly cows, your gotta get HUGE" but actually i have started thinking to myself, "wouldn't it be nice to just eat a sandwhich without any second thoughts, no guilty feelings, no nothing?"

i wish these feelings would go away. am i alone in this? i am so fed up with panicking about going out for dinner... sleeping at friends houses... packing lunch for school... but it is still impossible to eat normally.

some days i can eat, like yesterday i had... A PIE. (now that is the least anorexic food ever) and i was fine. but then today, i felt guilty for eating special k!

please share similar experiences or advice... i just want to beat this, before i lose my family, my dignity and god forbid, my life!

Help :(

[miamama]

I am getting sick of it. I want to look at food as fuel and something that is good for me. I don't want to pass this on to my children. I have had an ED for way to long. I keep saying I will stop when I reach a certain weight but when I do I am still unhappy. I just want to wake up one day and be normal.

[EyesBlackAsCoal]

Me too, I'm tired of watching my friends eat and being kinda jealous that I'm never gonna be able to eat that kinda stuff (without massive guilt) but every time I try to recover I fail :( But one day I know I will beat this and thats all that matters to me right now

[sugarsweetmelon]

im so glad some people feel the same! sometimes i get angry at myself for wanting the normal food, and think "yea well you suck at being anorexic, congrats"
i just wish there was a button you could push to fix all this!!

[The_Missing_Frame]

Personally I kind myself getting disgusted whenever I see my family going for seconds or thirds. Its also embarassing to think at one point I was 165

[Special P]

The good news is that you actually want to get better. You're sick of what ED is causing and are looking for change.
Make sure to hold onto that.

Granted you will have your good and bad days. In my recovery I did too, but you can't let one little slip be magnified over all the accomplishments you've made along the way. Those accomplishments can't be taken from you.

I've felt the same way about feeling guilty for random things. Like one time I went and eveningn snack, then later on I was still a bit hungry so I grabbed some grapes...and I felt so guilty!! It was so strange because, well, they're grapes! I had had chocolate chip cookies before that and got no voices of rage! I was confused.
Though I find the more you start to defy ED, the more it backs off...it's scary but thrilling at the same time because you feel rebellious.
I wish you the best of luck with your recovery :D

Email me if you are having any difficulties

[sophiemay]

A couple of months ago, i weighed just 35.9kg at a height of 1.58m.. a bmi of just 14! this almost cost me my family, my friends, my boyfriend. i am now sitting at a bmi of 16, and they are so happy and supportive.


i wish my family were supportive, now im even more excluded than ever.

i kinda want to be normal and happy

but i dont.

im forced to, and everyone says you have to want to, but i never wanted to, and they wonder why i keep losing...


it would be so much easier if i just didnt exist...

[silver_elf]

sugarsweetmelon: You say you feel like a "bad anorexic" for eating... but ask yourself why you so badly need to be an anorexic? Make meal times a pleasant experience. Plan them, make them fancy, enjoy every bite. Feel good about bringing yourself one step closer to a healthy life, and to your family and friends.

Congrats everyone for trying to recover. :D