its just me and ME (suicide)

[rowyn]

:( really lonely tonight, i was on such a high (then i messed up and i've b/p'd 3 times in 3 days, i feel fat and horrible) now i feel suicidal (I have the means, but i won't do anything)... i have NO ONE who isn't around just because of pity offline...we're supposed to be perfectionists with high intelligence right? HA, i feel like the stupidest one here! I'm too lazy to do ANYTHING...i wish I could take a magic pill that would make me study and talk to people...i'm such a looser! no one here would REALLY care if i disappeared, sure my roomie would notice, but she wouldn't CARE...fuck life, i want to get to 59 pounds (my very first gw as an 11 year old) i want a tube...ugh, then i remember, i can't live in treatment forever and i'm such a burden (monetarily and otherwise, plus therapists only care because they're paid to...) fuck, fuck, i'm in a really bad place tonight...i want to die, i want to drop out...i'm hopeless, i can't do anything right, i don't possibly see me getting through college, much less holding down any job, having kids, being successful, making a positive impact on the world, etc....i'm like a black void sucking in everyone around me, everyone i know would have been better off if i was never born...i'm a looser :(

[skylines]

I wish I could just give you a big hug right now. ): you told me just the other day that life was worth fighting for, why shouldn't your life be the same? I know what you mean about not feeling intelligent, but believe me, it isn't true. if you disappeared, so many more people would care than you might think. things will get better, just hang in there. please don't do anything you'd regret. we're here for you.

[rowyn]

i can always say the right things to others...i do believe your life is worth fighting for, why not mine? I couldn't give you a good answer to that...I simply have no potential (or at least, i'm killing every chance i get) I can't even do right by my ed...but its more then that, its that can't make myself study and no one here likes me (sure, i'm that nice quiet girl, but no one likes me anough to be friends)

[rowyn]

feeling a bit better now, thanks for the support...knowing me though, i'll crash tonight :mad: but for now, all is good!

[skylines]

just message me if you feel this way again, I'm here to talk. (:

[boo2009]

u have my email hun just message me and i can chat to ya