I need some support please!!

[LostCause]

I'm fairly large as I may have mentioned before. I have been all around the ED block. Recently I have recently been battling between Mia and BED. I hate it!!! Now I'm scared to eat. I keep gaining when I binge, and I think purging is getting hard because of my meds. I stopped taking my Welbutrin cause I thought it was why I couldn't purge. I b/ped yesterday. My mom and I decided that we would lose weight together. Which is cool. She knows about my eating disorder, but I don't think she takes it seriously now that I have gained all this weight. I have gained 80lbs in a year. GROSS!!

We have started our plans two days ago. Now I restrict. I started ABC, but I stopped that because I don't think I'm ready to go that far yet. I have to ease myself into things. The only good thing is that in the two days I have lost 5.2lbs. I know that must be water weight. I'm planning to eat at the most 600cals a day. I know that is a lot, but how do I go from binging all the time to nothing? I need support to keep going. Can you guys help me with that? I have a live journal account where I'm trying to keep accountable. Its hard restricting when I feel like I"m never going to see a change.

Any good advice or kind words would help. I guess its good to be scared to eat when you are fat as life. :(

[zci]

hun, i wish u all the best! I think it is totally reasonable to not go cold turkey...I am mia, so it will only make u/ me binge heavier at some point! and yes moms...she does understand, feel with u, but totally doesnt get it, right??!! and lets not even start on the dads....really.....dissapointment.....and I am also a girl where u dont see it, i am normal weight, no one hears the screams in my head, they r silent but persistent, they mock me bc its all in my head, people dont see...

[LostCause]

Thank you so much for the reply. Its nice to know that someone out there understands me.
I always get the feeling that my mom liked me better when I was thin. Once she was notified about my disorder (when I was hospitalized and tube fed), she tried to pick up on my thought process. I don't know if that makes sense. Like she knows some of the things I would say or do, and now she tries to get me to act like that again. I'm getting back into restricting pretty good, but if I feel like slipping up she is quick to say: "you don't want to eat. food is your enemy." Things like that get to me. She is proud when I starve and she always would tell me that she is proud of my strength. The only time my mom didn't hate me was when I was deep into my ed. So I feel pressured to do this again.
My dad? He doesn't even really care. A long time ago he threw (literally) a magazine about eating disorders at me. Disappointment?...yeah

Like you said...people don't see. To me it feels like I may be suffering but it isn't important because you can't see it. No one knows or cares to know.

Thanks again for the reply....sorry this post got long and boring. *lol*

[·÷±‡±JustRussian±‡±÷·]

I'm fairly large as I may have mentioned before. I have been all around the ED block. Recently I have recently been battling between Mia and BED. I hate it!!! Now I'm scared to eat. I keep gaining when I binge, and I think purging is getting hard because of my meds. I stopped taking my Welbutrin cause I thought it was why I couldn't purge. I b/ped yesterday. My mom and I decided that we would lose weight together. Which is cool. She knows about my eating disorder, but I don't think she takes it seriously now that I have gained all this weight. I have gained 80lbs in a year. GROSS!!

We have started our plans two days ago. Now I restrict. I started ABC, but I stopped that because I don't think I'm ready to go that far yet. I have to ease myself into things. The only good thing is that in the two days I have lost 5.2lbs. I know that must be water weight. I'm planning to eat at the most 600cals a day. I know that is a lot, but how do I go from binging all the time to nothing? I need support to keep going. Can you guys help me with that? I have a live journal account where I'm trying to keep accountable. Its hard restricting when I feel like I"m never going to see a change.

Any good advice or kind words would help. I guess its good to be scared to eat when you are fat as life. :(

Well. I'm not sure what you're trying to go for, You sound like Pro-Mia to me.
If you're not losing Weight.
When you have a Nasogastric Tube up your nose, I might consider you have an eating disorder, But I guess, If you can't stop eating food..... And don't have that sort of power, you'll have to stay bulimiac. I hope you know there are more health risks with that type of disorder... Such as your esophagus exploding just out of the blue, when it can't take the stomach acid anymore. Which usually is an instant death. :D
And in the long run, you gain more weight anyway. You could start with fasting.... O.O
Anorexia > Bulimia.

Second Rounds, Are not always as good as first rounds. If you've already been through it several times. *Lul*
I don't get why your mother would be proud of you having an eating disorder. Kinda Low life parenting if you ask me.
1 of 10 usually Die. So 100,000 of 1 Million Will die with eating disorders. Statistically Speaking. But those are only numbers.