Join PSALM in The Road to Recovery 101

[PSALM]

Last night I binge purged 3 times in the space of 2 hours, I looked in the mirror on that last purge and thought "what the hell am I doing? This isn't me, this isn't what I want to be doing anymore, who are you?" I have had Bulimia for about 3 years now, I go through phases where I do it often and sometimes not at all for months at a time. It recently got pretty serious again and last night was it for me. I have had enough because it makes me feel depressed and worthless. And i am sick of coming on here feeling sorry for myself trying to make myself feel better by reassuring myself there are others like me. Reality check 101: I am alone because this is an internet site and I don't personally know anyone, I mean yes we can all feel connected in a way that we have the same problems etc... but in reality: The second the computer is turned off, I am alone... I need to start looking after myself and cherish the body I have been given. I am going to start a healthy eating and fitness journal on here in an attempt to keep myself on track and hopefully inspire at least ONE other person to do the same thing.

I have done A LOT of research lately on health and fitness, and many things have come to my attention. Mainly the fact that ABC diets, calorie restricting diets, nonfat diets and no carb diets are pretty much bollox! To some extent of course (they are useless for any long term weight loss). I have tried them all and guess what, the more I restrict the more I want to binge!!! It's a known fact that the more you restrict yourself the more your body SCREAMS for food. I could go a good 3 weeks with no carbs and no fat, which is what I recently did, but the longer I did this for, the more my brain just screamed for a binge. Do you know what happened when I went on this diet? Yes I lost A LOT of weight the first 2 weeks. But then I hit a plateau, the scales didn't move for a week ! It was driving me insane, I was barely eating anything and the scales were even going up some days. It frustrated the hell out of me. So i started restricting more, and more and more and nothing happened, i researched this and realised that my body had adjusted to the deprivation of calories and went into "starvation mode." Meaning that no matter how much i restricted my intake my body was not going to let go of any fat anymore!

After much more research I realised that I needed to change everything. So i ate what I wanted for a week (to some extent), yes I put a lot of the weight back on, not all, but I had to in order to get my metabolism going again. and oh wow what a wonderful week it was! My mood raised and I felt good again. As of today, I am starting a whole new lifestyle of nutrition and fitness. and guess what, I am not going to calorie count ! :eek: and I am not even going to restrict. The best diets are the ones where you don't starve your body, because the thing is I want to lose the weight and keep it off, but the only way of doing that, is a lot of TIME and PATIENCE! I don't want to just lose weight in 2 weeks by starving myself then put it all back on again in double, seems like a waste of time and energy. Your body needs time to slowly adjust to the changes to avoid plateaus. Any radical changes, just scares the body naturally creating defense mechanisms.

This diet is going to begin with eating around 5 small meals a day. I have read up on many of these sorts of diets online and they appear to be the best. However, i feel that the plans still entail too much food and are not simple enough for me. So I am going to create my own in accordance to these diets and post my daily activities, tips and comments here. Its going to start off with quite a lot of food, but this is because I need to show my body that it doesn't need to go into this "starvation mode" and that it's OK to let go of the fat because I will be feeding it! Then over time the intake will become a little less. The main ingredients to this diet will still be weary of fat and carb content, as I couldn't see myself keeping all that down, yet. However I will not be restricting the amounts of what I eat in accordance of fruit, veggies, poultry, salad and nutts.

Please Note: I am not entering my weight as of yet because at this stage it doesn't matter to me as I have just eaten what I wanted for the past week and I know I would have gained. Looking at the number on the scales will only freak me out and completely change my frame of mind right now. I would probably drop all this and stop eating and want to b - p all over again. So I am not going to weigh myself for at least 4 days.

Anyways I am going to stop blabbering on and get down to my daily activities/intake for today.

DAY 1

Morning:
(30 Minute jog)
- An Apple and Half a Banana cut up and mixed in half a cup of nonfat yogurt
- 1 liter Water
- Green Tea
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- x4 hard boiled eggs with a tomato
- Green Tea

Afternoon:
(Bikram yoga - 90 minute work out in 40 degree heat)
1 litre water
The other half of the banana from morning and a handful of almonds

Dinner:
Tuna and Bean salad which consists of
- Tuna chunks in springwater
- Organic Four bean mix
- Corn
- Lowfat cottage cheese

Dessert:
- An Apple


COMMENTs: Today went extremely well, I had no urges whatsoever for a binge, my mood shot through the roof, I did not feel hungry at all. I would not usually do 2 workouts in a day, especially if I am going to be doing Bikram yoga as you get the best workout if you are fresh to do it properly, but I felt a need for a morning run this morning because it was the first day, just wanted to give myself a kick start.

TIP: Bikram yoga is fantastic for your body as if burns around 700 calories per class, boosts your metabolism and promotes long lean muscle growth instead of bulky muscles. It's extremely therapeutic and refreshing, but beware... You sweat like crazy! So be sure to stay hydrated and bring a towel!

Thats it for today, I will log in again tomorrow night for Day 2, Don't worry it won't be as long as todays blog. Feel free to leave comments or ask any questions. I have a million and one tips and tricks through some serious extensive research for everyone to follow along the way to recovery! :)

[PSALM]

Hey all,

Haven't had any responses yet from anyone, but I am just going to keep going with the journal in hope that it inspires someone! Perhaps photos of progress will help with understanding my progress on a more personal level and hopefully if I have done my research correctly, prove that this healthy diet does actually work!

DAY 2


Morning:
(60 minute Bodypump workout)
- An apple and half a banana in a cup of nonfat yogurt

Snack:
- Other half of banana
- Handful of almonds
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- Tuna and Bean Salad (Left over from the night before)
- Green Tea
- Diet Coke

Dinner:
(30 minute jog)
- Small Chicken Salad

Dessert:
- An Apple


COMMENTs: Today was a another success! Felt fantastic, mood is still up, Had some minor feelings for a binge in the afternoon, so i went for a run to take my mind off it and waste time until dinner. Still not weighing myself just yet, however I might weigh myself tomorrow as I am feeling a lot more in shape now. I am also going to post photos after the first week to show progress. I just took the before ones today and will take some more at the end of the week to see if any changes have been made and so you guys can see the progress as well.

TIP: If you're feeling like you want to Binge, do some sort of exercise, a walk or a jog (something light) so that when you get back you are forced to think you don't want to ruin what you have just achieved. Make sure you don't do something really intense though because this will most likely only make you hungrier when you finish. Doing extensive exercise instead of intensive exercise actually decreases your appetite. :)

[PSALM]

DAY 3


Morning:
(90 minute Bikram yoga workout)
- An apple and half a banana with a cup of nonfat yogurt

Snack:
- Handful of almonds
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- Tuna Salad
- Green Tea
- Diet Coke

Dinner:
- Chicken & Vegetables (broccoli and asparagus) Sprinkled with some light cheese

Dessert:
- An Apple

Current Stats
Age: 21
Height: 172cm or 5"7
Starting weight: (57.8) kgs or (127.2) lbs
Current weight: (56.4) kgs or (124.1) lbs
Overall weight loss: (1.4) kgs or (3.1) lbs


COMMENTs: Today I was feeling pretty lethargic, not my mind but my body was really feeling the effects of the workouts that I have been doing and my muscles are very sore! So i think I will take it easy tomorrow, just do a light walk for an hour or something like that. But, despite feeling tired & sore, things seem to be getting easier to stay on track! I had absolutely no desire for a binge and better yet Im not even thinking of food at all, Im almost feeling full. This is a good sign because it means I am feeding my body enough nutrients for it to not scream for more! I ended up weighing myself last night because I couldn't help myself! The scale was at 57.8 kgs, or 127.2 lbs which freaked me out! But now that parts over and it luckily didn't change my frame of my mind. Earlier tonight I weighed myself again and I had lost just over a kilo or 3.1 lbs since yesterday! So Im feeling pretty positive about this diet. I will weigh myself again in 2 days (or less) for more progress!

TIP: My reason for eating almonds for a snack: I eat a handful of almonds for my snacks because yes i get enough of mostly everything else in this diet i have created except fat. I know it sounds like a bit of a shock to be purposely putting fat into your body while you are trying to lose weight but it's essential! Because you need a little bit of everything within moderation for everything to be working properly. When you consume foods that have a little bit of fat it supplies your body with fat soluble vitamins which are the vitamins which help you burn fat! It's like the saying "You need to give a little to get a little" So you need to give your body a little fat in order to get the body you want. Eating too much fat is the only reason for weight gain. So a handful of almonds, which is about (25 almonds) for a snack is a great way to give your body a little bit of fat, beware though, almonds have good fats in them as does avacados but don't be fooled into thinking you can eat a chocolate bar or pack of chips for a snack just because you know there is fat in them, they are actually considered bad fats.

That's it for today, I hope im being helpful. Now that I have entered my height and weight stats, I'm sure it will encourage more of you to follow along in one way or another.

[PSALM]

DAY 4


Morning:
- An apple

Snack:
- A banana in a cup of nonfat yogurt
- Handful of almonds
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- x3 Hard Boiled Eggs & a tomato
- Diet Coke

Afternoon:
- Handful of Almonds
- Green Tea

Dinner:
- Tuna & Bean Salad

Dessert:
- An Apple

Age: 21
Height: 172cm or 5"7
Starting weight: (57.8) kgs or (127.2) lbs
Current weight: (56.4) kgs or (124.1) lbs
Overall weight loss: (1.4) kgs or (3.1) lbs


COMMENTs: I did not exercise today, even though I really wanted to, I knew I had to take the day off, because my muscles were really hurting and they needed to recover. But I still did not have any urges for a binge, however I was feeling a little bit peckish in the afternoon. But i controlled it and held out with some almonds and a Green Tea, I also went and got a hair cut to kill some time, haha. (I am on holidays at the moment so I have a lot of free time right now!). Anyways, recovery so far has seriously surprised the hell out of me! I honestly didn't think I would make it more than 2 days! The longer I hold out the more I don't want to ruin what I have achieved so far. The mentality is actually extremely comforting, I feel normal & very healthy, plus I am getting a bit of a glow back into my skin & a lot more spark in my life! The future is looking much brighter right now and I am really enjoying this new sense of control I have found. I think before I felt in control because of the comforting thought that I could purge anything bad that I ate, but I swear it was only making me more depressed about myself, now I feel like I still have control, but it's so much more fun. I did not weigh myself today because I have not exercised and feel a little uneasy about that, but I will put in new stats in another day or so. :)

TIP: Over exercising can really take a toll on your body and pushing it too hard can cause a lot of damage. Statistics say that around 75% of individuals with bulimia and anorexia tend to at some stage develop a sort of "Anorexia Athletica" or "Exercise Bulimia" (Same thing) which is simply a case of over exercising as another method to rid the calorie intake as appose to purging and/or restricting. It's really important to be aware of when your body is saying no and just take the day off, no matter how restless and uncomfortable you feel about resting up for a day! :)

[PSALM]

DAY 5


Morning:
- An Apple
(90 Minute Bikram Yoga workout)

Snack:
- A banana in a cup of nonfat yogurt
- Handful of almonds
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- x3 Hard Boiled Eggs mixed with a Cup of Spinach
- Diet Coke
- Green Tea

Afternoon:
- Handful of Almonds
- An Apple

Dinner:
(25 Minute Jog)
- x2 teaspoons of Apple cider vinegar in a glass of water
- Tuna and Bean Salad (left over from night before)



Age: 21
Height: 172cm or 5"7
Starting weight: (57.8) kgs or (127.2) lbs
Current weight: (56.4) kgs or (124.1) lbs
Overall weight loss: (1.4) kgs or (3.1) lbs


COMMENTs: I Was excited to be able to workout again today! I'm feeling better and better each day... Summer is almost here (Australia) and I think it's going to be a good one, I just got accepted into a second course for my university studies (film&television), which all starts on Monday, so I am going to be extremely busy until christmas which is good! The course involves the making of short films which I intend to base at least one around EDs, so you are all most likely going to be my inspiration. On the other hand I intend to change around my diet a little after the first week, just because it's probably a good idea to try different things so that my body can get used to more of a variety of foods. I am thinking about eating carbs (pasta) soon in an attempt to teach myself that it's OK to keep it down as I gather my body will start to crave it sooner or later, so I may as well not deprive myself from them. (Will only be very small though)

TIP: Drinking 1 - 2 Teaspoons of Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of water (before your meal) is a proven home remedy for weight loss!
How? It has been proven to:
1. Decrease your appetite
2. Increase your metabolic rate
3. Helps your digestion
4. Maintain a feeling of wellbeing
I usually chose to mix up this little remedy before my dinner because this is usually when I am most hungry, that's If i remember, i usually forget because Im too busy thinking about getting food into my mouth! But when I do remember I forget how effective it is! You CAN have it before every meal, it wouldn't do any damage, but you should start out with only a small bit, because I think sometimes it can upset your stomach a little bit or something. You're actually supposed to sip on this small amount throughout the day, however It tastes pretty awful, so I just do it in one and block my nose when I drink it, that way it just has a little tangy "lemon&water" taste. The weight loss is supposed to promote gradual but permanent results. Apple cider Vinegar also really good to clear out your liver so it is great to use for a natural detox. Here's a good website I found if you wanna know more...

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[PSALM]

DAY 6


Morning:
(25 Minute interval training - sprinting and walking within 2 minute intervals)
- An apple

Late Morning:
(60 minute Yoga workout)
- Handful of Almonds
- Multivitamin

Lunch:
- x2 Hard Boiled Eggs mixed with a Cup of Spinach
- Diet Coke

Afternoon:
- Handful of Almonds
- An Apple

Dinner:
(45 Minute Spin Class)
- x2 teaspoons of Apple cider vinegar in a glass of water
- Chicken & Vegetables

Current Stats
Age: 21
Height: 172cm or 5"7
Starting weight: (57.8) kgs or (127.2) lbs
Current weight: (56.0) kgs or (123.2) lbs


COMMENTs: I worked out a lot today only because the weekend is drawing near and I most likely won't have time to workout. But hopefully I will find some time. Still feeling really good. Haven't thought about b-p for almost a week now! So feeling excellent about that. I wander how long this can go on for? So long as I am not starving my body I am thinking I can hold out for a long time. Tomorrow will officially be one week. Hopefully I will find time to post some photos over the weekend. Losing more inches than I am overall weight loss at the moment. Still losing, only very small though. But look at the bright side, at least Im not gaining! Hopefully after a few more inches the weight loss will continue to happen. I am just going to keep at it, it is sure to happen sooner or later!

TIP: Myth - People have long been advised to work out for long periods of time with low-intesnity exercise in order to burn calories. People assume that working out at the same intensity levels ie.(A long steady paced run) is the optimal workout to burn calories. However, it is actually proven that Interval Training is the maximum calorie burning exercise you can possibly do. So if you are looking for the best exercise specifically targeting fat loss, this is it. You burn more calories doing interval training than anything else. Anyone can do it... The easiest way to interval train would be to workout at a greater intensity for 2-5 minutes and then go back to a comfortable stage for 2-5 minutes. Another example of interval training which I consider especially effective is Spin class. As you are constantly breaking, cycling harder and softer over a period of 45 mins. The trick behind all of this is "shocking your metabolism" the more you mix up your exercise the more of a shock your metabolism and begins to work harder than ever. If you are sticking to the same workout routine.... Try to mix it up! Otherwise your body/metabolism just gets used to the regime causing those dreaded plateaus.

[PSALM]

DAY 7 - DAY 8 - DAY 9

Ahh I did not have time to use internet over the weekend as I was extremely busy, however, on the bright side I have almost made it to 10 days now!

The routine was pretty much exactly the same as mentioned over the last week. However I did not exercise on Sunday or Today - Monday as I did not have anytime at all. Tomorrow I will be right back on schedule because I have a day off from classes, so I will most likely be at the gym most of the day making up for my slack efforts the past couple of days!

Despite not doing as much exercise, I have stuck to the same eating habits, perhaps a little less BUT I am still losing which is great news! I started at almost 128 and now down to 122, So I am feeling pretty good. All signs of bingeing have been non existent. Appetite has decreased immensely as well. Im guessing this is because my body feels it has more than enough food to function and was achieved through eating the correct foods of course. :D

So here are the new current stats and I will make sure to get back on track with the blogging/routine/daily activities like I was documenting from days 1-7.

Current Stats
Age: 21
Height: 172cm or 5"7
Starting weight: (57.8) kgs or (127.2) lbs
Current weight: (55.7) kgs or (122.5) lbs

That's all i have time for today, hopefully blogging will go back to normal as of tomorrow. So stick around for more tips/tricks and general eating habits if anyone is keen on recovery!

PSALM. xx

[thindream123]

im really impressed your doing really well :D this has motivated me to stop binging!ive gained so much lately through binging nd really need to lose it all!! Hope your still doing well :) keep it up! x

[PSALM]

Hey thanks for your post! It encouraged me to continue. Im really glad this motivated you to change your habits. I am still going strong and feeling wonderful so I hope you feel the same way soon! :D

[miamama]

I am really proud of you for taking a stand a finally getting healthy. Keep it up. I know you can do it.

[PSALM]

Hey all.

Everything is still going well, I just thought I would post some pictures so that people can see that eating normally CAN make a difference and that it is possible to stop bingeing, I also did promise at the beginning that I would eventually post pics. It has been almost 2 weeks now since i started eating healthy, exercising and stopped bingeing and purging. The larger photo was myself at the beginning of two weeks ago when I had decided Ive had enough of this and the second was taken today where I stand feeling much better about myself and feeling steady to keep up this lifestyle continuing to keep up my recovery.

P.S Last night I decided it was OK to treat myself as it has been two weeks. So for dessert I ate two magnums (chocolate) which is a SHIT load of cals but it felt nice to be able to enjoy it without my mind racing me against the time to have to get it back up again. My boyfriend sat and watched me eat both of them and couldn't figure out why I had such a big smile on my face, but it seems I have been a bit like that lately just generally a lot happier. :D

I really really hope I don't go back to my old ways, but for now I am far too impressed with my progress to go backwards for the first time ever.

So anyways, here are some pics and I will continue to post some more news when I get a chance, perhaps if something changes or I come up with some more tips and stuff for anyone. In the mean time, if anyone has any questions or tips of their own feel free to post !

Have a great day everyone. :)

PSALM, xx

[PSALM]

Yes OK, it's happened. I knew it was too good to be true! ALmost made it to 20 days.... Last night I ate almost an entire bag of almonds and I was like its OK I can just do it once, just go to the bathroom don't think about it and we'll pretend it never happened... Then Today: WOW, I just had the biggest binge it wasn't even funny. I just ate 4 Massive bowls of muesli with yogurt, and a tub of ice cream, next minute Im in the bathroom for half an hour, grrr, Im so angry at myself!

damn, damn, damn... This is all my boyfriends fault, so Im going to blame it on him, he was was getting angry at me about something last night and it was making me feel really shit about myself. And all day I have been a bit of a depressant and ended up going all the way to the supermarket specifically for a binge, I even thought about it the whole way home weighing up the pros & cons and even though the cons weighed out the pros I still couldn't convince myself!

It's pretty crazy how much little things can play such a significant part i your life when it comes to something like this.

This better not be another long episode, I hope it stops right now! Or I am going to lose my shit. It's so weird, I woke up this morning almost KNOWING that this was going to happen today, it's like my mind decides on it in the morning. It's so weird, I feel like a different person to the other mornings I have woken up.

:mad::mad::mad::mad:

[skylines]

just put that binge behind you, tomorrow's another day and another chance to change. reading this gives me hope that someday I might be able to be healthy again. (:

[EyesBlackAsCoal]

like skylines said, put it behind you and move on.
I know how you feel though, today has been my first day where I'm confident I will not B/P although I've been trying to stop for the lat 3 weeks
Good luck, I hope you manage to stay on track and live healthily :D

[miamama]

Celebrate those 19 days. So what you had a setback. You made it 19 days. That is far bigger than the 2 days. Congratulations you are human. Now get back on your recovery road and kick some ass. Set your goal for 25 days ED free. If you go beyond that hurray but if you don't then try again. You can do it.

[PSALM]

Bahh, Im too up and down now to keep going, one day I will b-p the next day right back on track for a couple of days. It's a start, at least it's not everyday now, I am feeling a little more in control. It doesn't feel like it's running my life at the moment. So I feel better. 2 nights ago I was feeling really depressed because I had a massive binge on muesli and purged and I felt bad so I went to bed at about 8:30 in an effort to hurry up the next day. Then I went on a 4 hour walk and felt like I was back on track because I didn't want to ruin my work. Actually I just lied haha, I ate a kabab last night when I was really wasted and purged it before bed... haha I was so drunk and realised I had been in the bathroom for about half an hour while my boyfriend was in bed, I was like "oh shit, what am I going to say when I walk out now after being in here vomitting for so long?" I walk out like I've just had a workout and go "Wow, that kebab seriously went down the wrong way!" am I kidding? Luckily he was wasted as well and already passed out. Phew.


Thanks anyway for all the support! I will give it a rest for a little while and try again to do my recovery and make it even longer next time!

[irishgirl]

PSALM my body looks like your pic on the left!! :) so now I know what am workin towards (your one on the right) but I must say that the pic on the left looks grand too.

AND i cant believe you love eatin shit loads of muesli too!!!! guess what tho? I simply don't buy muesli anymore. I havn't even seen muesli in a month haha. SCREW you muesli i kno how you work :P. So ah I bought the most bland thing i could see -weetabix. and GOD is that stuff bland . no way would I eat more than two hahaha. I found that puttin honey on it makes it so much nicer tho and/or addin raisons or half an apple or banana or sometin. it is also really fillin so keeps ya goin all day.

I'm really glad you're tryin to recover too tho. I'm on my 7th purge free day. I'm thinkin even if i do go through another binge I won't purge.. instead maybe just goin for a run and eatin less the next day because i never want to make myself sick ever again. I think absorbin a few extra calories is better than hurtin myself again.

xoxox

[PSALM]

Hey Irishgirl, we sound quite similar!

I hope you try really hard to do it the healthy way! It's hard, I can't keep it up 100 percent of the time, however I still try really hard to stick to my diet and my weight is still going down a little, but i do SOMETIMES still purge. I did tonight purely because I genuinely felt sick, I ate a really healthy dinner, but got a bit excited and ate a lot! I didn't feel bad about eating it cos it was healthy but I had that feeling like I just did a binge so had to get a little bit out of me and I still feel a bit sick, I don't know why.

HA muesli is the enemy, I try not to buy it but sometimes I kind go off on a bit of a tangent and find myself at the supermarket buying it, Im like how the hell did I get here? Happens alllll the time. I will be watching tv and I get up walk to the fridge or cupboard and be like what the hell, what am I doing now? and before I know it my hands are reaching for some food. Usually muesli. ha such a tripper.

That's really great that you're on your 7th day. Keep going, it feels so good doesn't it! and yeah a few extra calories every now and then will definitely only do you good rather than bad. I usually give myself a cheat day once a every 10 days or so if I have been good, then I feel like I deserve a nice treat and it feels rewarding having it just once and keeping it down. Once you notice that it doesnt really effect you at all it makes it really easy to keep going.:)

[PSALM]

Hey Irishgirl, we sound quite similar!

I hope you try really hard to do it the healthy way! It's hard, I can't keep it up 100 percent of the time, however I still try really hard to stick to my diet and my weight is still going down a little, but i do SOMETIMES still purge. I did tonight purely because I genuinely felt sick, I ate a really healthy dinner, but got a bit excited and ate a lot! I didn't feel bad about eating it cos it was healthy but I had that feeling like I just did a binge so had to get a little bit out of me and I still feel a bit sick, I don't know why.

HA muesli is the enemy, I try not to buy it but sometimes I kind go off on a bit of a tangent and find myself at the supermarket buying it, Im like how the hell did I get here? Happens alllll the time. I will be watching tv and I get up walk to the fridge or cupboard and be like what the hell, what am I doing now? and before I know it my hands are reaching for some food. Usually muesli. ha such a tripper.

That's really great that you're on your 7th day. Keep going, it feels so good doesn't it! and yeah a few extra calories every now and then will definitely only do you good rather than bad. I usually give myself a cheat day once a every 10 days or so if I have been good, then I feel like I deserve a nice treat and it feels rewarding having it just once and keeping it down. Once you notice that it doesnt really effect you at all it makes it really easy to keep going.:)

[Vision Thing]

Please keep up your journal, it is always really clear and really on track. Don't give up - it actually takes new habits 3-4 weeks to become automatic, so if you persist you'll find it becomes easier with time.

[nathrakh]

The progress pics are awesome psalm. really inspiration for me :)