i need help

[want2disappear]

I've been overweight all my life, and just recently I have been really serious about weight loss. I've never made a post on any site before...so here goes. I'm 5' 3'' and 178 pounds, and 22 years old. I've been really serious about losing weight because of the emotional toll it's taking on me. It's come to the point where that's all I'll think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed at night. I've been dealing with self consciousness all my life, and I always cover up. Never wear shorts, no bathing suits...ever. I've never had sex. Never done a lot of things, because I know that people are disgusted when they look at me. Basically I'm ashamed to go out in public. Even hanging around my friends is embarrassing. I don't know what to do anymore, but I'm depressed all the time. I can't stop crying, and I know it's because no one is ever going to love me. Not like this. At the start of the summer I was actually 190 pounds. I know I've lost weight since then, but I don't see any difference, and my clothes are just barely fitting better...i think. I just want to be thin so bad, I hate my life. I wish I was invisible. Please don't give me advice on how to lose weight the healthy way. I've lived my entire life trying to do it, and it just won't work unless I start the day by not eating, and try to stick to it. I wish I knew how to disappear. I'm trying so hard, please help me. I can't do it alone.

[zci]

Firstly, welcome!! and secondly I know how it is to just want to disappear, so even though I am not the best for radical tips bc am in the process of recovery, I can really relate to hating the very skin of oneself...Since I had my problem for such a long time, I can give u this much of a tip: envision yourself with a beautiful body, SEE yourself as u want to be, and then when u get a craving, just resist...I know, I am a little resistent to giving tips, bc an ed is a MAJOR problem, but since u dont wanna hear "just eat heathy"...main force is: will power...and at some point u enjoy seeing others enjoying food, and being able to say no! but u know, I have to give u the reality check, just for the sake of it: fact is, ed's dont let u except yourself, fact is, you cant stop by yourself, fact is, your social life goes DOWNHILL, fact is, you carreer goes downhill, fact is, you get health issues, fact is you get anxiety, fact is you lie in your bed and cry bc u r soo hungry and dont wanna eat, fact is, you find other means such as self harm to compensate emotions, fact is u loose self confidence...and one more thing (hopefully helpful lol ) if u eat like 5 times a day, small portions (talk to a dietition) u CAN get a healthy weight...but if u think I am crazy and lecturing u...well sorry did not mean to...so to summ it up, if u wanna do this, get a lot of exercise, and control hunger...

zci :-)

[anonomousmia]

want2disappear, i actually feel so sad when I read your post. I think you've been brave finally posting on here, or anywhere. I'm also 5ft 3 (and I'm 21) so I can relate to your size. . .I have never been as heavy as your current weight, so I cannot imagine how you must feel right now, but I was also too big for our height a couple of years ago, and I hated it. I dropped weight gradually to maintain 122lbs, where I felt ok, until I began comparing myself to smaller people.

This lead me to a massive diet last summer where I dropped over a stone and a half and went down to only 101lbs. I was sooo thin, I FUCKING LOVED IT! all clothes I tried on fitted great, there was no fat on me, I got so many complements, so much attention, my confidence soared. However, it was healthy as I was almost ana, my periods stopped, I had two blackouts and seizure-y type things, family said I was too thin, I would feel weak etc. One day I caved and swung to bulimia. I have been bulimic now for one year, I HATE IT!!! I feel so greedy, like such a FAT COW! you wouldn't believe the sheer amount of food I cant eat! its disgusting and shameful. I became depressed, unsociable, self harmed, failed my degree, i stay alone in my room all the time. I truly was miserable. My weight went back up to 122lbs, and I hated myself for this failure. Since then I'm back down to 110lbs, where again, I know I'm ok at this weight.

I sympathise with you, I really do. What I'll say is. . . calories in have to be less than calories out, sounds fricking obvious. . . . but thats how I did it, I calorie counted everything, and really worked my ass off at the gym etc. Like I said, in 8 weeks I lost 21lbs! which is pretty good if you ask me. If you don't want to do it healthily because it takes too long. . .then restriction is the key. Eat about 500 calories a day, and burn it off at the gym so your calorie intake is 0. Plus you need atleast 1,200 calories for your body to function anyway so you'll be in a calorie deficit everyday! The first few days of barely eating anything will be tough, but use all your will power and it will get easier and as you see 2-4 pounds dropping off a week you feel great and it really will spur you on and you'll find it easier :)

Bulimia doesn't work for loosing weight, trust me, I maintain my weight with bulimia because I eat like an actual pig!! but yeah just resist that piece of cake, or the bag of crisps, swap stuff for fruit, drink a lot of water and exercise your butt off!!. . weight will drop fact, and I know it shitty, but there's no quick fix, else we would all be stick thin!! I agree with zci, and please stay away from bulimia. Try looking at people who you want to look like and let them be your inspiration to a new you!! I wish you all the luck in the world, please look after yourself, let me know how you get on. good luck :) xx

[want2disappear]

so im 174 as of this morning and the past few mornings... i REALLY wish it would keep going, like a pound a day. It just sucks being stuck. i was sort of wondering if you guys kno about how many cals i should eat a day. like yesterday i had prob no more than 700 and i cant believe my weight hadn't changed this morning. not even by a half a pound. i'm also scared that if i keep eating that low of cals my body will go into starvation mode. i'm not sure tho cuz im so fat u kno lol. any tips that u can give me that u kno r proven 2 work for u will help! thx so much

[Static]

Hey, I'm about the same age and started from a high weight as well-- back then, the 2-4-6-8 thing kept me outta starvation mode and away from plateaus for a looooooong time. doesn't seem to work as well when the scale numbers get lower, though. anyway. apple cider vinegar and green tea are good ways to keep your metabolism up, too.