cant sleep, getting sick, not sure whats going on, can someone help me out please??

[dying2belong]

hello.. im new here & im not real sure how this works, but here goes i guess. i have had problems with depression my entire life. when i was in 2nd grade i went to a catholic school and had alot of trumatic things happen there that i just can't bare to ever talk about.. its to hard.. anyway, it all started there.. what 2nd grader do you know that needs to go to the psychiatrist.. anyway, alot of shit happend through the years, as tends to happen throughout life, and for some reason i can't handle it. everyone else deals with these common issues everyday, death, divorce, money problems, stress, etc. it just seems i can't get it off my mind, ever! i barely sleep.. im a graduate student, i go to school all day and i go to bed at about 1 or 2am, sometimes.. and i always wake up at 4:30, no alarm clock, no matter what time i went to bed. when i take sleeping pills i just feel groggy and down all night and the next day, so i cant do that due to the demanding class schedule. so i can't sleep, i also wake up every morning and get sick.. even if i've ate nothing the night before, which is becoming very very routine for me, not good.. i had problems with anorexia for a few years, but i'm not now.. i don't purposely get sick, it just kinda wakes me up.. every single morning.. if i don't sleep that night, then i'm sick all night while i'm awake.. i also shake or rather tremble i guess whenever the simplest little thing happens. someone cuts me off on the street, someone doesn't do something as directed, i get into a fight w/ friends/family.. it could be something as simple as going to see family members and i'm trembling all the way there with a harsh feeling in my chest and stomach. and i started this counting thing out of no where.. i'll just count to random numbers in my head, always even. and i won't even realize that i'm doing it. Someone could be talking to me, & I'll realize that I didn't get any of what they just said, cause I was secretley counting..can anyone help me out, or understand what the hells going on with me?? i surely don't want to go to a doctor cause i don't want any medication. i want to be able to do this myself. so if you had the patience and heart to read about someone else's problems, please give me some advice, tips, tell me what you think, please.. i don't know what's going on with my body, but i'm getting exhausted, and pretty quick. mentally and physically.. i've also dropped from a size 14 to a size 4 in a matter of months because of the getting sick in the morning thing.. someone please help me out.. i'm killing myself here, at least it feels like it.. and i don't think i have any other options than people who maybe possibly might be going through some of the things that I'm going through.. it might make me quit feeling like such a weirdo.. lol i feel alone like no one understands me about it.. so i thought i'd try here..

[Shandy]

The trembling thing sounds as though whatever happend to you before is obviously still holding on to you now.
Some time in your life did you have a period of time where you where very scared of something?? because if so.. this could be what causes the trembling.. like you need everything to be normal and in order otherwise it causes you to be uncertain about a situation triggering a sence of fear... possibly then you relate to your fear from before which makes you tremble from the intensity of this scared feeling. Sort of like you've been so scared before that being the slightest bit scared brings it all back to you subconsiously and you tremble. other than that i dont know.
As for being sick every morning, i know you said you want to get better on your own but if something is seriously wrong with you and your becoming ill .. you NEED to seek medical advise.. i mean you dont want to really harm yourself, you said you feel as though your killing yourself! you realy need to see someone about being sick all the time even if you dont about all the other problems. In the mean time all you can do is make sure u follow a strict diet ... did you used to be bulimic? that could be a result of it also.
The counting thing seems familiar to me.. which is strange because ive never spoken about it before because its not that bad for me but i can definatly relate to what your doing.. i can only think that its something constantly on your mind that you want to let go of and this is your way of dealing with it.
Ide love to know how you get on
xx

[pinkprincessbelle]

I agree with shandy.......get some medical advice! NOW! As for the trembling, I know I have been a lot more sensitive and anxious lately and definitely think it is related to my ed.You mention you are not anorexic but with or without this sickness in the mornings (a size 14 to 4 in a matter of months!!!) your eating patterns are disordered. With your prior history you need to be careful! Please get some help sweety!

[jadis]

sounds like a rough time...but you're not alone...so don't feel embarassed or bad about what's happening!
medical advice sounds imperative...but make sure you're as honest with them as possible. Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder...what you describe with the shaking and all might be the beginning of a panic attack. these can be quite scary but they are possible to get thru!!