FULL of emptyness.

[elyh]

Argh..
Im so angry coz.. I feel like my life goes into my ed. I cant focus on other things.
And.
The drug I take started it all.
And I hate it and love it.
I feel like... even if i did change the drug Im on now... Ill still have my ed.
I dont know who is controling who.
And all I can hear is this fucking voice that wont leave me alone.
I mean... my goals are simple..at the start it was : ill do it to look good enough for him, to fit into my formal dress... to to feel like i am actually a person under these stupid flab sacks.
When does it end?
Ill always find a reason to hate myself.
Ill start eating once these stupid bumps are gone.. when they are gone I just find another bit of my body to move to .. a reason to stop eating. I feel so lifeless and trapped. Even though I get satisfaction out of finally being able to walk out and say 'look what ive done, f*ckers' And yet I still fill, FULL of emptyness.


Elyh
______________________________
Life is like a box of chocolates.
You're like poison to my lips.

[Vision Thing]

It sucks, because it's constantly there.... Hope you managed to get the support you need

[Jacklinger]

For fate has wove the thread of life with pain,
And twins ev'n from the birth are Misery and Man!
- Homer, Odyssey

How old are you Elyh? You sound young. If you can just hang in there, I promise things do get easier with age. Happiness may not come, but pain subsides.