too much to handle

[canttell]

so i was thinking i wanted to try and stop B/P. i did good.. .for ONE DAY, thats it. i didnt BP for ONE DAY.

but to make matters worse... my bf and i just broke up... i knew it was gonna happen, but i didnt know this soon, and i didnt know id find him trying to get with another girl. hes trying to get another chance... which isnt happening, but in the mean time im stuck living with him! my daughters father decided to tell me that HE is still in love with me... my father who i havent seen since i was 8 years old is trying to contact me... i have an interview for a promotion at work tomorrow.. oh yeah, and i have a muay thai fight to train for in september!!!

HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I MANAGE NOT TO B/P with all this going on?!?! i have no appetite... but when i do... i just want to eat and eat.. binge binge binge. its like i feel like it is the only thing i have control over anymore. all these things are going on and my mind is going insane.. but i still have my BP that isnt going anywhere.. i can always rely on it. i know it sounds crazy, or maybe it doesnt... but idk.

there is just so much going on right now.. i barely eat all day.. i havent been able to sleep.. but then i wake up STARVING and just want to binge.. so i do.. then purge.. then eat next to nothing the rest of the day. its insane. i look like total and complete crap.. agghhh.

i guess when it rains, it poors... its just one thing after another after another. something good is bound to happen... maybe ill get the promotion!

ahhhhhhh. sorry just needed to vent!! lol =)

[Special P]

I know exactly how you feel.
I feel like I will never be able to get out of my cycle.
Why don't we try together to stop B/P?
We'll start tomorrow.
But I think the key to not B/P and fully recover is to actually eat during the day. I have Ana as well, so though it makes recovery at bit more difficult, I know how to control her a lot better than this newly discovered Mia.

We start tomorrow. Eating regular. Being normal. Being happy.
I know we can do this!!

:)

[canttell]

yeah, im down... but today was a failure already. =( i seem to only binge in the morning. its like i wake up and b/p... then ill do good the rest of the day cuz i feel bad for doing it. argh. if i could just NOT bp in the am id be fine. then i eat practically nothing all day. grrrr......

but on a good note, i had my interview yesterday and it went well... i think once this all passes, im gonna stop B/P for SURE. its just a hard time in my life and my problem is comforting. as bad as it sounds... =(

[Special P]

I know how you feel...today was a fail for me too
I worked all day...didn't eat anything to try to make up for last night's binge, and then i got home from work and was so hungry..and I couldnt' stop eating.... it turned into a B/P
I think the best thing to do is when we get such feelings to go and do something else. Get away from where the food is, breathe it out. Remember how we feel afterwards, and the horrible cycle it creates. They say to "live in the moment" but we can't really do that now can we? Because moments later we regret it.
Our motto should be "live with your decision" or "think before you act" ...something like that, you know?

Tomorrow is a new day!

Plan:

Breakfast:
Cereal (I love cereal in the morning, but toast, eggs or whatever you LIKE works too)
Fruit/yogurt (another one of my favourites)

Lunch:I can't remember the last time I ate lunch
Sandwich with all the mixings! (If I do have a sandwich I always skip out on the cheese because Ana says it's fattening)
Yogurt/fruit (haha yes I like those)
vegtable (carrots... i love carrots)

Supper:
Not really up to me, it's up to my mother and what she wants to cook. But I'm going to eat reasonable portion and let it SIT

The crucial hour
this is my time of B/P and I always get stuck in it no matter what I try to do
So! I will have something small and end it with that!
I'm a fan of the Thinsations...so I think I'll have that and some yogurt
If I'm still hungry I'll have something else...but I must make sure it's my hunger and not Mia talking.

I'm not sure what your likings of food are, so feel free to mix around with the plan a bit. But I want to try to get in three meals. Eat normal, get my digestive system working properly, you know?

We can do this! I believe in you and I believe in me :)
Wear an elastic around your wrist all day. Look at it when you feel the urge to B/P and think of your goal, your want to get better. If we slip, another one goes on our wrist. Everytime we slip another one is added. Every 3 days we succeed, one can come off (except the base bracelet).

Sometimes at night I wear my old hospital bracelet. I put it on my wrist and remind myself of where I used to be. Of course, I couldn't wear something like that around all day long without raising question, so I'll replace it with elastics too.

We shouldn't find false comfort in food. It can never help us. Sure it's there, it keeps us alive, but what does it REALLY do as far as making us happy? Nothing.
Finding comfort in living things is what we need to do. Or even hobbies.
I like Photography, and writing.
Talking to friends is fun.
Perhaps go for a walk when a binge urge comes (did I say that?)
We'll find techniques.
I'm going to see my counselor on Tuesday...I'll share any tips she gives me :)

I'm with you in spirit!
Good Luck tomorrow, I hope the same for me too

[canttell]

so i can tell im not gonna B/P today.. but only cuz im SO hungover. but thats a good thing i guess........ hahahaha. cuz i have NO urge to eat anything let alone binge. the thought of eating anything at all makes me feel like vomiting. ugh. so maybe the cure for mia is alcoholism. hahah im kidding. not funny i know... =P just glad im not gonna be B/P today