i am afraid to puke

[Sunshinecheyenne]

It scares me so much to think about puking. I used to puke when I would starve myself so much that I would start shake then I would eat something and my body would force me to puke it. That is the only time Ive been able to do it. But it felt so good afterwards my body felt weak and slow and I liked it I felt like I was going to crumble if someone touched me.

I am afraid to force myself to puke and I dont have gag reflexes ironic right, any suggestions on how to kill a binge? or ways to make puking easier and seem less forced

[blah]

don't puke.. just rest it off and try not to think about it. once it digests you will feel much better/lighter. go for a run if its really getting to you.

[Sunshinecheyenne]

thanks.
I see a lot of people are swimming. does swimming help with things as well?

is it better then running?

[zci]

yes, swimming is very good for you, your back, etc... and you dont really feel like your doing a huge workout, I sometimes go for like 1 km, or a little more, like a mile, and it feels great :-)

[Sunshinecheyenne]

Funny thing is I have a pool but I never thought of swimming
ahaha


I am gonna give it a try

[zci]

lol! you r not alone, I have one too and I am terrified of going down there and showing myself in a bikini...but tipp: I go in the evening, my pool closes at 9, so I go at 8...and from my windows I can see down to the pool, so I can see who is there and then decide...

[Sunshinecheyenne]

I actually feel better when I am close to naked I dont know why. I feel like all my effort is showing and that the next time they see me they will see even skinnier me.

I am going to swim tomorrow for like an hour until I cant breath lol

[zci]

well, hope you can breath, lol :-) yeah, see with body consiousness... heres the thing, I actually gained weight from bulimia...it is really bad, I am bad...I hate how I look, but if it give you confidence in showing your body off, then, girl, go for it :-)

[Sunshinecheyenne]

I just dont like showing myself off to guys. Thats like my thing I hate showing myself to guys. I feel like every part of me is disgusting when a guy looks at me. I know thats weird but I feel fine around other girls because it seems that people around me aren't thin unless they are other dancers.

uggghhh I am stupid

[zci]

no you r not stupid!! maybe I am... lol...no, probably we both arent...it is just hard on us...in maybe different ways, but it cant just be us! you know, its friggin summer and I run around in jeans and cardigans bc I sont want anyone to see my arms etc...freaky?? yeah! but, go for a good swim anyways...it'll help, give you workout and make you feel better :-)

[Sunshinecheyenne]

Maybe ill go tonight in the darkk ooohh that could be really fun. :D anyways I am watching csi right now and its so bomb digity. I cant help but love it.

I am having the worst hunger pains ever. Its like needles in my tummy
grr. I think ill have some more tea.

how are you?

[zci]

do you mean me? or anyone, lol! well, me, I have been better...I am just goin crazy, I will move home from chicago to zurich in 6 weeks, and it gives me the creeps...my ed makes me give up in a way... so, sorry, I am not really an imput...butI do want to get better...therapy is great, I just cannot put it into real life... but I believe, one day!

[Sunshinecheyenne]

Where is that! :eek: that seems far away. I am not sure I want to get better. I mean I just realized I had a ed a month ago but I dont want it to get worse. But it is I can feel it. when I got done swimming I almost fainted but it felt soo nice to feel so light.

Anyways Chicago is awesome I have friends there. I am moving to Maine in a few weeks for boarding school ick.

[zci]

ok, see, I do not know Maine, but boarding school does sound a bit creepy, lol...zurich is in Switzerland...I am from Europe and have been in Chicago for two years, did my second master there and worked...lol, know my family wants me to go home...

[Sunshinecheyenne]

I am a little young kid compared to you
That sounds soo cool they have an amazing dance program in Switzerland
and pretty people ahah unlike fat ass Americans.

[zci]

your are great, dont worry :-) and even if you are younger, u have so much good in front of you!! hug