Miserable

[randa22]

i wasnt sure where to post this but i think that this is the best place. ok so today i had to go to the doctor to get my prescription refilled. i am currently on antidepressants n sleeping pills. ive been having a lot of panic attacks lately n when i told him about them he jus pretty much ignored me n so now there is nothing i can do about them. im worried that during school ima have one during class or somethin wit no way of bein able to control it. then he kept me on the same damn sleeping pills that i have been taking n i told him that they dont work for me. they make me feel really drugged up n its like im a completely different person. so all he did was higher the damn dosage, so the only way im taking them is if i take the whole damn bottle. im also on celexa for both anxiety and depression, but it only works for the anxiety n i dont even take it n e more cuz it makes me gain too much weight.then he told me that he wants me to increase my exercise cuz last month when i was there i told him i exercise for about an hour about 4 times a week, even though its actually 2 hrs like 5 days a week( i couldnt let him get suspicious). so now ima jus up my exercise to 3hrs. a day. i feel so fucking worthless n no matter wtf i do it isnt good enough. nobody fuckin understands me n it jus really makes me feel like shit that i cant be helped. im still jus the same fat fuck who is always gonna be miserable n it really makes me wanna kill myself because nobody cares enough to understand or even try to help me. everyone always says that there there to help but they never do n e thing.the only thing i really even care about right now is losing weight n its also the only reason why im still even alive. i wanted to see what it feels like to be thin before i die. at the moment i cant even stick to my own rules/goals. n e ways sry for the extremely long post but i jus had to get this written down somewhere before i explode. if n e one has n e ideas on how to prevent or maybe control a panic attack while its happening i would really appreciate it. or if n e one jus has n e suggestions in general i would also really appreciate it.

[want2disappear]

i think i've almost had a panic attack once. it felt like i was losing control and something horrible was going to happen. well first i think u should not up yr exercise, especially because you weren't honest w/ your doctor about how much you actually do. just stick w/ how much u've been doin so u don't drive yrself crazy. don't put 2 much pressure on yrself. i think u should try not to worry 2 much and mayb try 2 take some time out of each day just devoted to relaxing. mayb u could include yoga into yr workout time. but definately don't go thru the day w/out taking care of trying 2 relax a little bit. it's gonna b ok.