The past is coming to haunt me..

[Melly44]

Why do I do this to myself? I am 25 years old, have a great husband and I feel sometimes that I am alone.
All my life I was overweight. I used to be 223 lbs. I worked out and dieted and got down to 120 lb. I am now 145 lbs. I go to the gym everyday, diet and push myself so hard. I just passed my personal training exam yesterday. Besides all that....I have a BINGING PROBLEM and I need help.

I think about food all the time. I look up menus online, food that I can't have. I have no control. I eat to the point where I can not move. It's like I am in my own world. The supermarket is so hard for me to go to because I want all the cookies, cakes and want to eat them all. It's like the fat kid in me wants to overcome all that I have achieved and destroy me. Taking me back to all the kids that made fun of me for being fat all through school.

My husband knows we can not go to a restaurant because I am either dieting or if I eat something that I will get sick and the next day I am crying calling myself fat. My binges are so bad that I gained 12 lbs in 2 days.

Does anyone feel like me?

[Jacklinger]

yeah...

Once I had a 20,000 calorie binge. I used to binge regularly and overeat almost every meal. I had cravings so strong that I never believed I could resist. I call it Wendigo hunger. The more I ate the hungrier I got until my stomach simply could not hold any more food, yet I still felt hungry.

I don't do that anymore. I used to weigh 320 lbs and now weigh 193 and don't show any signs of relapsing. I believe I have permanently beaten my binge/overeating behaviors. I eat whatever I want, but don't eat as much or as often as I want. I still have some cravings, and could probably binge if I really let myself. But it's nothing like it used to be. I can eat just one donut, or just one brownie, or just one hamburger, and not feel hungrier than before.

I believe I've reconditioned my brain to subdue my overeating tendencies. It took a lot of willpower at the beginning, and major focus, I felt terrible, but if you can get through 10 days without a single bing, and stay on a low calorie diet, I think it will greatly help you get back on track to get back down to 120.

[luvleelady1984]

How did you lose the weight, I use to weigh 115lbs then I had my kids now I way 171lbs and I am having such a hard time loseing the weight...I can't starve myself... because I have to have some kind of alertness and focus for my 7 month old.. I am going crazy I put food in my mouth just to at least taste it then I either spit it out or throw it up...Sorry I know this was about you...

[gugu]

I'm in the same boat as you are right now.
For the last 5 months I just can't stop binging. Gained about 40lbs already! Tried everything and anything!
But then I somehow discovered that I might have Candida, I studied on the subject a bit and yes, I do in fact have Candida.
I feel relived, because now I know that there's some illness that's causing me to eat like crazy and all those sugar and carbs cravings, eating food I never even liked!
It's hard to know that not only do I have ED but I also have some bacteria taken over my body, but at least I know that it's not just me who lost her will power and self control (I'm too, like you, have lost over half of my body's weight).
So I'm starting a very strict Anti-Candida diet and after I beat it I hope I'll never touch sugar and simple carbs again in my life!

I think you should consider Candida or Food Intolerance as the cause of your binging and check on the subject.
I wish you luck! :)

[Jacklinger]

@luvleelady - I just starved myself basically. But if you have a little kid that needs you to stay concsious all the time, that really complicates things because the first week of my reduced calorie intake I was nodding off constantly. I have no kids or spouse right now so it didn't make a difference. I would fall asleep at my desk at work some and be very emberassed at that. I quickly became addicted to coffee during this time because that's what I used to help stay awake at work.

Once your body and brain recondition themselves to work with less calories, you won't have to have food just to remain focused but that first week or so is a nightmare. And if you cheat even one time, it resets everything and you have to start all over again and try to go another week :( If you can get help from your husband or family to maybe help watch the baby while you start your diet, maybe you could do it?