:S

[shadowgirl]

What do you guys do when you miss your EDs?? I feel like I can't breathe.. I miss purging!! :'( why do I miss a nasty thing like this? Argh!!

[shadowgirl]

:'(

I miss counting calories!
I miss my safe food!!
I miss excessive exercising!!!

[Gremlin]

I did probably not the best thing. I missed it, I decided that there was no reason for me to continue with recovery, and I went back to restricting and excersizing. Like I said, not the best thing but I just can't go without it.

[InnerSilence]

Usually when i tell my Dr. that she always reminds me of how miserable i was and how sick i got when i was deep into my ED, maybe tr and think of what was negative about you purging and the damage it would do to your teeth?

[shadowgirl]

I'll definitely talk about this with my doctor but I'm so affraid of going back to that road :'(

[shadowgirl]

I compulsively think of purging!! Arghhhh.. I hate when I lose my control over my mind :@ :'(

[InnerSilence]

I know what you mean and i know that feeling i've been there many time and i am there right now, but talkign to your Dr. is a great step. Can you maybe also make a list of reasons why going back would not be a good idea?

[kallista93]

Well, it's probably not so much the behaviors that you miss, but the comfort that they gave you.
I know for me, when I am under pressure I tend to go back to my weight obsession, because it is a comfortable & familiar place for my head to be. When I'm out of the ED head-space, all the other things that I wasn't thinking about, or didn't have energy for before, come flooding back, & those are the uncomfortable things/places.
At this point in recovery, those things that the ED behavior pushed out of your head may be coming back, & it feels more comfortable to go back. You need to replace the ED behavior with something new, a new coping mechanism.
In 12 step programs, this is why they have you give things up to a "higher power." This never worked for me, so I don't recommend it unless you are actually religious. Instead you have to find something else to do. Volunteering, some sort of skill based pursuit, or a course of study, take up some kind of art - play an instrument, paint. You need a new distraction, a new passion.
It's not that you miss the burning throat, the shame, or the clogged toilet. You miss the coping mechanism. Acknowledge how you feel & move past it. But don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day, because it isn't a race, it's your life.

[shadowgirl]

@ Innersilence:
I'll start making the list now. I'm so tired and heavy at the moment (depression makes me feel that way!!) but I'll force myself and make the list. Even if this horrible ed is gonna win the battle and kill me at the end, I want to die with honor.. I want to die as a fighter :')

Thank you hun for your suggestions.. hope you feel better soon <3

[shadowgirl]

Well, it's probably not so much the behaviors that you miss, but the comfort that they gave you.
I know for me, when I am under pressure I tend to go back to my weight obsession, because it is a comfortable & familiar place for my head to be. When I'm out of the ED head-space, all the other things that I wasn't thinking about, or didn't have energy for before, come flooding back, & those are the uncomfortable things/places.
At this point in recovery, those things that the ED behavior pushed out of your head may be coming back, & it feels more comfortable to go back. You need to replace the ED behavior with something new, a new coping mechanism.
In 12 step programs, this is why they have you give things up to a "higher power." This never worked for me, so I don't recommend it unless you are actually religious. Instead you have to find something else to do. Volunteering, some sort of skill based pursuit, or a course of study, take up some kind of art - play an instrument, paint. You need a new distraction, a new passion.
It's not that you miss the burning throat, the shame, or the clogged toilet. You miss the coping mechanism. Acknowledge how you feel & move past it. But don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day, because it isn't a race, it's your life.

You're totally right! You opened my eyes on something I already knew but I completely forgot because of depression!!

thank you so much sweetie.. I really needed this! <3

[InnerSilence]

Keep fighting hun *hugs*