Was anybody else surprised by this?

[the_littlevoice]

I've been breaking down all the time. I thought after recovery I'd be able to eat and be fine with it or be happy overall and forget all the voices in my head. But I just cried for two hours because I ate chinese food. I feel like I have no control over anything. I find myself wanting to relapse and that scares me. But it pisses me off because I couldn't even if I wanted to. I also can't do well in school (im a junior in high school) and have an ed. It's so frustrating, I just feel so lost :(

[Jacklinger]

I've been breaking down all the time. I thought after recovery I'd be able to eat and be fine with it or be happy overall and forget all the voices in my head. But I just cried for two hours because I ate chinese food. I feel like I have no control over anything. I find myself wanting to relapse and that scares me. But it pisses me off because I couldn't even if I wanted to. I also can't do well in school (im a junior in high school) and have an ed. It's so frustrating, I just feel so lost :(

How long did you spend in therapy? When did you come out? Was it just really recently?

[elyse]

I know it's frustrating, I was REALLY surprised by how hard it is too. What I mean is, of course you know it's going to be hard, they tell you it is too, but there's no way to prepare a person for the kind of mental anguish that comes from trying to eat when the voices are still there.

It gest easier though sweets. It does. But it takes a while and maybe to talk to someone? And a relapse is ALWAYS worth fighting if you can. You're not alone, even if you feel lost.

[the_littlevoice]

Thank you so much guys =)
And I did inpatient and then intensive out patient at the renfrew center I just got out three weeks ago. School started when I got out too and school is a huge trigger for me. so yeah. I still have a therapist and nutritionist.

[thinkingaloud]

Try not to be so hard on yourself! If you've only just come out of therapy so of course its still hard but stick with it. And keeping all your support round you like your therapist should help.

[failure2win]

its okay. i broke down yesterday because i laid down and didn't like how the weight was distributed. we all have those days and they will happen for awhile. they are still happening after three months for me...

[paige]

Recovery didn't work for me.
They threw me in a corner of this hospital, there were three other girls with EDs too.
The one girl was two inches taller than me and weighed seven pounds less.. so that made it a bit worse.
And the other girl was a binge eater and weighed a couple hundred pounds.. she was like reverse thinspo.
I threw a fit at the nurse one day and got tossed in another unit.. this one for people with bipolar disorder!

After my parents found out what happened I started an outpatient program in my city. I only did it for a month. Now I see a nutrionist biweekly and a psychiatrist every week.
The psychiatrist is mainly treating me for depression and anxiety, not for an ed. And the nutrionist just teaches about the health value of food. She's actually really awesome. She taught me that it's practically impossible to gain weight from fruits and veggies (even things like bananas.. funny enough) and that it's mainly important for me to get proper nutrients than maintain a certain BMI (like the outpatient program wanted!)

All I can say is that I really don't feel better. I still have troubles admitting to people how I feel about my weight.
So really it was useless for me. The fact that you even ate chinese food is a huge step! I know this sounds twisted but I'm actually jealous. You're really lucky you can eat. If you can be someone who can eat what they like and enjoy the flavours of the food (without stressing about their thighs) then I think everyone here would be so happy for you. To beat an eating disorder takes incredible strength. It also means that you get to be happy

[the_littlevoice]

Yeah, the inpatient facility I went to was amazing. It wasn't a hospital. And it was a very nurturing environment but they would kick your ass if they needed to. I've been where you are Paige? And it's hard I know every bite is hard.
Thanks everyone for your support<3