It's like a never ending cycle...

[neokara]

Ok so as most people know I tried to get pushed into recovery by admitting my problem to my church pastor and my best friends mom. Well I sure was pushed into stuff. My pastor made me write a letter so I could tell me parents which he rejected the first draft and made me rewrite it. He's known about it for like a month.
My best friend's mom has know for 2 weeks and the other day told me I control it and that I can make myself eat if I want to. Gee, I'm sure I can if I want to. Problem is. I DON'T WANT TO EAT. So she forced food down my throat basically and I gained two pounds in three days which made me way mad. Sunday my mom goes "You're gaining weight." Like I didn't know -.-
Today that stupid little voice told me I was going to restrict a lot and so I have. I've dodged food left and right, and sadly I still don't feel right. I still feel like it should be less... I mean I've basically burned off any calorie I gained today in P.E. and have yet to eat anything for dinner...

I'm so freaking lost... I want to get better so I can go out to eat with my friends and not feel like a pig. So I can look in the mirror and smile again. But then again I'm afraid of getting better, afraid of losing the only thing that has kept me "sane".

[Jacklinger]

How often is your friend's mother forcing you to eat? Or are you going to avoid her from now on?

[neokara]

Pretty much any meal I eat there. I couldn't avoid her. She's more of a mom to me then my mom is.......

[Jacklinger]

Pretty much any meal I eat there. I couldn't avoid her. She's more of a mom to me then my mom is.......

How often are you there? Sounds like if she's more like a mother than a friend, you must find yourself there fairly often?

[neokara]

I usually manage every other weekend although this weekend went out with them after church. And my friend and I spend a fair amount if time together.

[Jacklinger]

I usually manage every other weekend although this weekend went out with them after church. And my friend and I spend a fair amount if time together.

Being fed once a week, while better than nothing, is not likely going to help you recover. But at least it's nice that she cares. And it's always nice to have a friend too.

[neokara]

I know but the problem is that after thy day I feel so fat and then have to do something about it.

[Jacklinger]

I know but the problem is that after thy day I feel so fat and then have to do something about it.

And what is it you do? Restrict/fast a few days? Do a lot of exercising?

[neokara]

And what is it you do? Restrict/fast a few days? Do a lot of exercising?

I usually majorly restrict for one day binge the next somewhat restrict after that... It's a really confusing pattern... Like yesterday my plan was 360 cals today I was gonna do that but failed when I got the chance to go to Buffalo Wild Wings... <3