I am literally obsessed with my reflection... and not in a narcissistic way

[not.quite.ana]

For years now I've found myself seeking every possible reflective surface in order to see how fat I really look. I'm convinced that my mirror in my room makes me look thinner than I am in reality because it is not very wide which I know can create a leaner illusion. When I'm on the subway I purposely stand by the doors so I can look at my reflection through the windows when it is pitch black outside. During class I'll let my laptop go to sleep so I can just stare at myself and criticize all my faults. If I'm walking outside and a building has a reflective surface, I will literally stare at myself as I'm walking by, looking like I'm completely crazy.

And it does sound crazy, when I think about all the stuff that I do. All of these things have become habits but I don't know how to stop. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate (probably on a smaller scale)...

[rosestayawake]

It doesn't sound crazy at all.
I used to be like that, to some extent. Like I'd always have my mirror out. It drove me crazy when people called me narcissistic and that I was obsessed with myself. No, I'd think, just obsessed with hating myself. But now I'm the complete opposite. I will do whatever I have to to avoid looking at myself. I even turn my laptop away when I first turn it on so I don't catch my reflection on the black screen. And the store windows I'll take at my phone and look at that instead.
I'm not really sure how I stopped the habit of looking at myself so often. Maybe it just fades away?

[xfragilex]

I completely understand- and I know what you mean about it not being narcisicim (sp?). For me I just can't stop looking because I'm scared if I don't something might change while I'm not looking. Like my stomach will get bigger, or hopefully smaller, or suddenly my nose looks crooked. I've noticed that sometimes my reflection changes like I look different in different mirrors. I didn't think that was possible, but I'm not the only one- didn't the person who started thread (sorry your names covered up by this chat bar thing and I'm using my phone) say she noticed looking thinner in a certain mirror? I guess anythings possible in a world where one small snack can make you gain 6lbs overnight... *sigh*

[not.quite.ana]

It's true that different mirrors can make you look like an entirely different person. That's why at department stores the mirrors are very "thin" so that customer's will think that whatever outfit that they're trying out looks extremely flattering. This is probably when it started getting really bad because I couldn't decide which mirror was showing my true proportions. Although by now, I've finally accepted that it's most likely my own perceptions that are messed up rather than any inanimate object.

[dying-to-be-thin]

I do exactly this! xx

[RedIce]

there are times I feel so thin, then I look at my reflection in a window, mirror or see my picture or video and I just want to die!