Lady Persephone
09-20-2010, 09:51 AM
gawd . . . I don't know what to do or say today . . . I'm like this big chemical emotional mess of nerves and I'm running to the loo every few mins vomiting and shit . . . it's not like I want to do it, I'm just messed up right now. I had to get this out or I don't know what I'll do--scream maybe. I'm so damned lonely and all the ugliness inside me is like surfacing or something . . . all the shit I manage to ignore on a daily basis is all coming up to the surface and showing me how truly pathetic I am and should feel it now. *sigh*
It's all my fault of course. I mean, I'm so horribly, miserably anti-social, this is why I'm all alone when I don't want to be, when I shouldn't be. I don't even feel creative, and that's even worse. I'm like empty on so many different levels, it's not even funny. I don't even feel like exercising, and I'll usually kick my butt into exercising even when I'm super sick and coughing up a lung, like I was last week. I can't even make myself feel positive enough to do that. I'm devoid of any spirit whatsoever, and I feel like I could get into the car and go anywhere just so long as it's far away . . . but where would I go? I even have to force myself to post this, pathetic as it is, sorry y'all . . . I know that I will just go curl into a ball on the bed and sob if I don't make myself post something . . . anything! Just get this emotional wreckage off my shore!
Okay, I'm going to try my hand at a poem . . . let's see what I've got in my soul for it . . .
Here I Am
I lie on the sofa, wishing I was safely hidden away in a dream
All the wreckage floats to the surface and inwardly I scream
I don't know what I'm doing here, I wish I had the will
To run away or scream out loud or desire something still
All the pieces of myself show me who I really am
I'm nothing and I'm no one, I can see it all in my life span
The emptiness consumes me in the pallid light of day
And as I inward turn, the truth just makes me want to run away
A wasted sea of dead ambitions evaporates like morning mist
I should be doing something productive, but there's nothing on my list
Here I am in all my anguish, pathetic as can be
I wish I could find some way out, find some protective lee
I'm all alone both in my world and in my head and heart
The bitter blossoms of a seed that went to root in that deepest inward part
Of my thinned out soul and all I know is that I've got to go
Break away from the mercurial strands I'm well acquainted with
Those wretched thoughts all darkly threaded into some mass, nothingless pith
Here I am curled into a ball, as the morning wastes away
My skies are dark and clouded over gray
Soul sick am I on this Monday, lost in all the dead dreams I cling to
Withdrawn and disconnected from you
The only being I know to be a light in the darkness of my soul
If only you could really know
Change the nature of me from the taciturnity that paints my mood
Give me a different soul, a changed pattern of thinking, soul food
Because I'm drowning within myself, I'm gasping for breath
I yearn for nothing . . . not even death
-----------------------------------------------
Yeah . . . that's pretty much where I am today. Thanks for listening to me rant. ((((all))))
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It's all my fault of course. I mean, I'm so horribly, miserably anti-social, this is why I'm all alone when I don't want to be, when I shouldn't be. I don't even feel creative, and that's even worse. I'm like empty on so many different levels, it's not even funny. I don't even feel like exercising, and I'll usually kick my butt into exercising even when I'm super sick and coughing up a lung, like I was last week. I can't even make myself feel positive enough to do that. I'm devoid of any spirit whatsoever, and I feel like I could get into the car and go anywhere just so long as it's far away . . . but where would I go? I even have to force myself to post this, pathetic as it is, sorry y'all . . . I know that I will just go curl into a ball on the bed and sob if I don't make myself post something . . . anything! Just get this emotional wreckage off my shore!
Okay, I'm going to try my hand at a poem . . . let's see what I've got in my soul for it . . .
Here I Am
I lie on the sofa, wishing I was safely hidden away in a dream
All the wreckage floats to the surface and inwardly I scream
I don't know what I'm doing here, I wish I had the will
To run away or scream out loud or desire something still
All the pieces of myself show me who I really am
I'm nothing and I'm no one, I can see it all in my life span
The emptiness consumes me in the pallid light of day
And as I inward turn, the truth just makes me want to run away
A wasted sea of dead ambitions evaporates like morning mist
I should be doing something productive, but there's nothing on my list
Here I am in all my anguish, pathetic as can be
I wish I could find some way out, find some protective lee
I'm all alone both in my world and in my head and heart
The bitter blossoms of a seed that went to root in that deepest inward part
Of my thinned out soul and all I know is that I've got to go
Break away from the mercurial strands I'm well acquainted with
Those wretched thoughts all darkly threaded into some mass, nothingless pith
Here I am curled into a ball, as the morning wastes away
My skies are dark and clouded over gray
Soul sick am I on this Monday, lost in all the dead dreams I cling to
Withdrawn and disconnected from you
The only being I know to be a light in the darkness of my soul
If only you could really know
Change the nature of me from the taciturnity that paints my mood
Give me a different soul, a changed pattern of thinking, soul food
Because I'm drowning within myself, I'm gasping for breath
I yearn for nothing . . . not even death
-----------------------------------------------
Yeah . . . that's pretty much where I am today. Thanks for listening to me rant. ((((all))))
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)