Don't worry!

[madeofstars]

I probably won't be around much for a week or so as my boyfriend has a week off work and I have promised to be a good girlfriend and do nice things with him (this does not involve sitting in a grump at my computer) So wont be posting much, dont worry that I'm not around, I'll be ok, and if I'm not, the boyfriend will be here to keep an eye on me.

So PMs, posts etc will be a bit neglected....but I will try and sneak on here and read stuff when he's not around, so I will keep up to date with you guys and if I see you are struggling/need to talk I will do my best to send you a message etc.

Love you all! Have a good week without me. And dont worry your pretty little heads, I will be back.

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[nathrakh]

Haha that picture is awesome. :) Hope u have a great time with ur boyfriend the next week.

[elyse]

We'll miss ya Steph! A week is a long time with the boyfriend lol -- play nice, k? :D

[madeofstars]

Hmmmm. So I'm kind of around now because the bf tried and failed to persuade me to go see his parents and sisters and meet his aunts/other extended family and I said NO I CANNOT MEET ANYONE WHILST I AM THIS FAT so he went alone. He was going to stay here but as soon as he said he would go alone, my tastebuds and stomach clicked into action and I thought "yes I can binge!" and so when he offered to stay instead I pretty much pushed him out of the door.

Anyway I didnt think this through properly. I am sitting alone, at home, with enough food to feed a family for a week. I also have a bottle of wine. I spent the last little bit of any money I had in the world on that food and I already feel sick and I still have loads to get through. I've gained back all the weight I lost last week and I feel gross. What is my problem?! If he'd stayed, I wouldnt be bingeing. I am a fool. Also he's decided to stay there overnight and I'm terrified of being in the house on my own. So I'm not going to get any sleep even. IDIOT. LOSER. FUCKWIT.

Sometimes my stomach thinks for me and then when it's too late, I cant do anything about my stupid decisions.

[elyse]

Aw Steph! Not an idiot, love. :(

[mel_92]

Hmmmm. So I'm kind of around now because the bf tried and failed to persuade me to go see his parents and sisters and meet his aunts/other extended family and I said NO I CANNOT MEET ANYONE WHILST I AM THIS FAT so he went alone. He was going to stay here but as soon as he said he would go alone, my tastebuds and stomach clicked into action and I thought "yes I can binge!" and so when he offered to stay instead I pretty much pushed him out of the door.

Anyway I didnt think this through properly. I am sitting alone, at home, with enough food to feed a family for a week. I also have a bottle of wine. I spent the last little bit of any money I had in the world on that food and I already feel sick and I still have loads to get through. I've gained back all the weight I lost last week and I feel gross. What is my problem?! If he'd stayed, I wouldnt be bingeing. I am a fool. Also he's decided to stay there overnight and I'm terrified of being in the house on my own. So I'm not going to get any sleep even. IDIOT. LOSER. FUCKWIT.

Sometimes my stomach thinks for me and then when it's too late, I cant do anything about my stupid decisions.

:( Don't worry steph, you're not the only one. I've literally just got in from tescos. I wasn't even hungry (ha, am I ever hungry when I decide to binge?) but then went shooting off in my car (still in my stagecoach uniform lol so I looked a twat) with antonio banderas blaring out of my ipod car connector.
Um anyway, at least you have x factor tonight to cheer you up? :) x

[elementofblank]

He was going to stay here but as soon as he said he would go alone, my tastebuds and stomach clicked into action and I thought "yes I can binge!" and so when he offered to stay instead I pretty much pushed him out of the door.

Sometimes my stomach thinks for me and then when it's too late, I cant do anything about my stupid decisions.

Um, yes. Jeremy went out earlier than he was supposed to last night allowing me to order out and then he called and mentioned his friend wanted to meet him out for a drink and my immediate thought was "that gives me time to go out (in my sweats) and buy two pints of ice cream and binge on those in ADDITION to all the Chinese food! Whoopee!!" So I was way overly enthusiastic about him going and what was I left with? Being alone and treating myself like shit. I ALWAYS let my stomach think for me.

Not an idiot, not a loser, not a fuckwit (a word that I might start to use a lot more, actually)... And the wine will help put you to sleep (?? is this even helpful advice?? eek).

And if you get too freaked out I will whip out the international calling card and chat up you and the cat until you fall asleep from boredom.

You'll be ok! :)

xoxo

[EnoughIsEnough]

Looks like we're all in this together! Siiigh. All I can say is that I hope you guys had better binges than I did. I barely bought anything (because my budget is so tight now...god knows how I'll manage it!) and ended up eating things like wholemeal pitta bread with vegetables, bran flakes (because last time I binged on these went oh-so-well *rolls eyes*) and my flatmates ryvita. WHO THE HELL BINGES ON RYVITA? I DON'T EVEN LIKE RYVITA?!?!?!?!

So yeah. I hope you had cake. Because I've consumed 8000 calories of food I don't even like. Hmph!

But yeah, I do the exact same thing. I shove everyone out the door whilst thinking "wtf?!?! why are you doing this!??! this won't end well!!!".

Steph, you should have mentioned it earlier and I could have got the train up to Leeds and seen what it's like. :p (Ahem, and binged on cupcakes insead of cardboard).

I bet my week will carry on this way seeing as my calendar is blank until Wednesday. (You'll love this Steph - I'm so bored I've tried to book an appointment with a certain mental health worker: anecdotes will be on their way later this week!)

[elementofblank]

I just went to ryvita.com to see what it actually is and all I can say is: ouch. I'm assuming that was NOT pleasant. Like the bran flakes.

I wish mine was cake. Mine was mostly really gross Chinese food. There are about 80 Chinese restaurants here and I went to a crap one because it was close to work and I could get to it as quickly as possible. I actually left work early to pick it up. Serious low. Cake would have been nice, not greasy egg rolls... or the spicy Kung Pao chicken (I DO NOT recommend that). Another ouch.

I'm always thinking "this won't end well" in the back of my head and it never seems to do any good. Yesterday I debated for ten minutes in the aisle at the store before buying my lunch (which was mostly cookies) thinking "this is not necessary. You're going to regret this and it's going to be unpleasant." Then, while I ate it it was "this isn't even good!! What the F is wrong with you???" and then "See? Didn't end well. Told 'ya." Meh.

You girls should have had a cupcake date! Bummer.

Rach, I hope this week goes ok. At least no more visits from the police. :p

[madeofstars]

Oh thanks guys! I'm glad I'm not alone (but sad that you are all struggling too) and glad that you all understand. I am still fairly cross with myself for letting the binge monster win because now I am bored, alone and keep hearing banging noises which I KNOW are just next door but every time I hear anything I think "OMG MURDERER IN MY HOUSE". This is a bit silly, I'm 26 years old.

Rach, of course I had cake!! And yes! you should have come up to Leeds, but Sat not the best day to go to the cupcake shop because it's got a bit of a reputation now and EVERYONE goes, imagine if we got there and there were none left!!

Mel, yes, X Factor was amazing, thanks! Did you watch it? How good was Chloe?!? Lol, Wakefield is NOT in Leeds by the way.

Amanda, oh my god, I do that too. Bf's always like "oh I've been invited to play football with work...but I might not go" and my stomach goes "CAKE!" and I say "oh you should go, make some friends....in fact, you should go to the pub with them after, I'll be fine." Stomach "CAKE! ICE CREAM! BAGELS! PIZZA! BISCUITS!" I hate my stomach. I'm not even hungry half the time.

Elyse, thank you sweetie <3

OK starting tomorrow, I'm stopping this silly bingeing. (again). Seriously this time. Had enough. Who's with me??

[mel_92]

OK starting tomorrow, I'm stopping this silly bingeing. (again). Seriously this time. Had enough. Who's with me??

ME! Guess who just ordered an exercise bike online? :p
And no i didn't watch x factor, my saturday night has consisted of me coming on w.e. every 2 minutes (then slinking off again as I realise my post is still the last on a thread :D) reading love it magazine, scoffing weight watchers caramel sundaes, and chatting on the phone to my friend. Haha we only spoke for a few minutes, but at least that means I do perhaps have a teensy social life!
Oh, and I'm also scared to be in the house alone at night. If I ever am, I switch on practically every light in the house and make Scamp come and sit in the room with me.

[elyse]

Sat not the best day to go to the cupcake shop because it's got a bit of a reputation now

I read this wrong. I thought it said, Sat not the best day to go because I'VE got a bit of a reputation now.

I thought you meant on Saturday everyone there goes, "Hey Steph! Back again?" :) That made me giggle and it wasn't even true.

Anyways, sure, I'm in. No more bingeing.

[elyse]

Actually, I'm starting right now, ok? John just fed me and then left me alone here, and I'm trying not to do anything I will regret, but my tummy hurts SO BAD! I'm about to cry it hurts so bad. But... I will just suffer through it and go lie down and focus on the little pact.

[madeofstars]

Aw Elyse :( Make a nice cup of tea and curl up in a comfy chair, good for you for starting right now! <3 look after yourself xx

[elyse]

Sorry, that was totally dramatic and emo. Lol. *blush*

Big fat fucking fail on my part just now. Sigh. Okay girls, tomorrow will be better lol. :]

[JEANNE]

I'm with you, doll. Seriously though, my "plan" (plan #2,486,228,400) BEGINS tomorrow and ends in May. I am going to (sorry, recovery is on the back burner for awhile) get 100% back into my work-outs and diet. In ed speak that reads: 6 hours of cardio/weights daily on 400 cal / day. Honest, girls, that's me. I have a marathon I am training for (not to mention a 10K I have committed to run in spirit with my gal, Amanda on 10/23) next year, 2011 and I plan to do well.

I am going to get a handle on this binge monster and kick his fat ass out of my door. Hah, wanna hear a funny?? Well I am total clean freak, clean all the time (other than my rolling trash bin: the car) my apartment. I have a kitty too and she gets clean litter box daily, clean food dishes.... I just like to clean. anyway came home yesterday to this sick, stinky smell! ugh, what is that? it smelled rotten, yucky.... couldn't be kitty box, the wash was clean, no clue what the smell was. Well I never have any food in the house, honest never open the refrigerator... obviously! B/C the smell was coming from the fridge where I had very overripe and fermenting pears in there!! geee-rosssss!!!! I guess even cold pears under refrigeration will go bad after 6 weeks! Jeanne, you filthy pig!

ok, long post done..... I am with you, Steph tomorrow is the day! have a good night if you can, it will be ok. :) Jeanne

[elementofblank]

@Elyse I ADORE dramatic and emo. And don't worry, tomorrow is a new day. <3

@Jeanne- 10/23 it is! I'll think of you as I lace up tomorrow morning! And my binge monster is getting kicked out as well. Team effort. Good luck with the plan, but be careful though, hun, and keep us updated with how you're doing, and don't push yourself if you're not feeling right exercise wise- you don't want to do yourself an injury. Also- you think rotting pears are bad? Oh my, don't come to my house!! :)

@Steph- I'm with you. Tomorrow is the day. Back to the exercise as well (I've given myself a break all week). It's a deal. We will all update when we can via Recovery September.

Also- just downloaded The Libertines Live at Reading.

So, girlies, I'm off on a date later as my day is only half over... I can't promise no bad eating as I'm just in that mindset today, ugh, but I've promised myself that I won't go nuts and also that I won't beat myself up for what I do eat. I need to go out and have fun, and my boyfriend does not need another meal centered around me and ED. Wish me luck! :)

[madeofstars]

Good luck!!! I had a lovely curry last night, hope your meal out is as nice. Oh and I managed it without a binge/feeling too guilty, so you can too!!! :)

Have fun xx

[JEANNE]

Good luck, Amanda! that sounds like the right attitude!!! proud of you and yes, we will "run" together tomorrow! I like that, hope I can keep up with you! I will let you be my pacer and you can pace me at a 10min mile, ok? :)

Elyse~ ahhh, the stuffed feeling will go away, ....oh, do I read FAI L to mean that you made the feeling go away??! That's ok too. we do what we need to do, it cannot always be textbook perfect. at least you got some nourishment inside you.

Mel~ new bike! yee-hah! I love the elliptical.. its my "fun" machine. Hope your bike becomes your new fun machine. :)

Steph~ no boogey man at the door, right?! It will be ok, it will be just fine! remember, tomorrow is the day, a new day for us all!

ok, good night, good day all. happy "tea"

[madeofstars]

I've had my tea already! But I think you Americans are about to have yours now, yes?? Enjoy! :)

Thanks guys, from coming on here feeling like I was in the bottom of a big black pit, I now feel a lot more positive and confident that we will all beat the binge monster with big sticks tomorrow. Piss off binge monster. No one likes you!!

I think I'm going to have to sleep with my ipod in so I dont hear a floorboard creak and think it's a MURDERER in my house. One day I will be a proper adult heh. At least kitty is here for protection. Haha she's more of a wimp than I am! Although she ate a spider for me before.

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[elyse]

You know what? You guys made me feel better too! :D Have a good dinner Amanda -- enjoy date night and be kind to yourself. Tomorrow's a day new day, you're all very right, and I do feel happier. :) Piss off binge monster lol!

(Incidentally, yes Jeanne you read FAIL right. But okay, what's done is done.)