retrosoup
09-14-2010, 09:06 PM
My binging has gotten so bad over the past couple weeks. I've gained about 15 pounds in a month, and I can't stop.
It started out what I now think isn't too bad. I'd binge at night and feel horrible about, and stop the next day.
Then I couldn't stop over a period of days.
Then I began to binge multiple times in one day.
And today is the worst, binging all 3 mealtimes of the day.
I used to not purge, now I purge every single time. I've thrown up about 6 times today and managed to pop a blood vessel in my right eye or some shit because now I have blood floating around in the white that won't go away.
Sometimes I don't even want to keep eating. I feel sick and tired and want to stop, but I can't. I keep going. It's like it's habit now, whenever I'm home to eat nonstop.
My binging has caused me to start cutting myself, made me feel distant from my boyfriend (who I am deeply in love with), made me feel less focused in school, made me want to quit school, made me want to SHAVE MY HEAD, made me want to run away, made me FAT, made me worthless, useless, out of control, and it makes me want to fucking die.
and how do I deal with it all?
I EAT SOME MORE.
what's wrong with me? Why am I so out of control? What do I do? I want a regular eating pattern, I want to eat like a normal person. This makes me so upset.
How do you guys deal with this? What do I do? :(
It started out what I now think isn't too bad. I'd binge at night and feel horrible about, and stop the next day.
Then I couldn't stop over a period of days.
Then I began to binge multiple times in one day.
And today is the worst, binging all 3 mealtimes of the day.
I used to not purge, now I purge every single time. I've thrown up about 6 times today and managed to pop a blood vessel in my right eye or some shit because now I have blood floating around in the white that won't go away.
Sometimes I don't even want to keep eating. I feel sick and tired and want to stop, but I can't. I keep going. It's like it's habit now, whenever I'm home to eat nonstop.
My binging has caused me to start cutting myself, made me feel distant from my boyfriend (who I am deeply in love with), made me feel less focused in school, made me want to quit school, made me want to SHAVE MY HEAD, made me want to run away, made me FAT, made me worthless, useless, out of control, and it makes me want to fucking die.
and how do I deal with it all?
I EAT SOME MORE.
what's wrong with me? Why am I so out of control? What do I do? I want a regular eating pattern, I want to eat like a normal person. This makes me so upset.
How do you guys deal with this? What do I do? :(