Recover but purge?

[handsbreak]

Do yu guys think it's possible? I've been ana for 2 years now & in recovery for a year. I have come a long way, I just have a few more pounds to go untill my healthy weight!
So i work with doctors, deititain, counscler.. all that jazz, & i have a meal plan, sometimes i follow it good, sometimes i barley eat, sometimes i have an extra dessert or go out for a big dinner, even though i'm still following my meal plan I know that a resurant meal does likely have more calories than if I wasn't forced to go out for dinner & ate at home. That's really when I get concerned & want to purge. I do mostly, i rarley get it all up, & a lot of the time everything but desert comes up, & all the comes up is all I wanted to stay down! URGH! But it really doesn't seem to effect my weight too much. & honestly I think maybe purging is helping me feel more exposed & confortable around my old fear foods...

I guess my question is:: Do yu think I'm doing okay overall? think I can live a happy ED free life but purge occasionaly when I eat too much when out for dinner or out with friends? Anyone else have the same problem?

[JEANNE]

I think you are doing ok. A person does the best they can at the time. Maybe with time and more comfort, you will not feel the need to purge a restaurant dinner. that's the beauty of recovery and choice, YOU get to decide when and how. One hint- in treatment we had to eat out and I hated it. but their rule of thumb was that it was ok to eat 1/2. Maybe you can do that, eat 1/2 and take 1/2 home as leftover. Restaurant meals tend to be bigger than usual, you are right about that!

Hey, congrats on all your recovery success! that is awesome and really you should be pleased with yourself. Keep up the good work, be proud xxoo Jeanne

[elyse]

Hi there. Congrats on your recovery, it DOES sound like you've come a long way! :)

Here's my take on it, and I'm no expert. A couple years ago (I think) I was trying to eat better and I guess recover on my own. And I did well, I think. And, like you, I would purge in "emergencies". Restaurant dinners especially. But I really do think I was doing mostly all right... and part of what's left of that mindset is that I still have this "belief" (I know it's not true, but I still feel like it is) that if I half-ass purge, don't get everything up, don't try that hard, don't get that much acid movin' around, that's pretty healthy. It's really not destructive.

But that's not true. And it's taken something pretty drastic for me to realize it.

So anyway, here's my point. I think for now, that's great that you are becoming comfortable around all foods, and I think no one can blame you for trying to do your best at recovery. But for an ed free life? That's not an ed free life because the mindset behind the purging is what's still damaging. You are still committed to doing something that hurts your body. I'm not saying you're not doing great, because I think you are!! But if you really want to be recovered, I think you should be honest with yourself and your counselors about what's still making you purge every now and then. So you can REALLY be happy and go out with your friends and be truly unencumbered by it all!

Best of luck to you. <3

[handsbreak]

Thanks so much for your encouragement guys!

I feel like I don't so much want to be ED free, but just be normal. & yeah, I know I guess haveing an ED is nessersarly(sorry, can't spell! ahah) "normal", but I want to have friends and not be the awkward one not eating much? Do yu think a once in a while purge is really that bad?

[Elizabeth]

I think you are doing well, but I wouldn't say you are "recovered" until you are no longer purging.
But seriously you are doing really well :)