EnoughIsEnough
08-24-2010, 07:50 AM
I've spent my entire life living in the shadow of my younger sister.
Everything I've ever done in my life, she's done better.
Today is a classic example. It was her GCSE results day. And what were her marks? Straight A*'s. Every single subject was an A*. And where was I, while she was collecting these amazing results? I was resitting a university exam that I failed because I spend my entire life binging and purging.
This isn't a case of me being a jealous older sister. I'm unbelievably proud of her. She works hard and is VERY bright.
The problem is what my parents said to me. "Wow. She did SO much better than you! I mean, you did okay I suppose, but seriously. Wow."...I'm just not sure what her results have to do with mine. My results, for what it's worth, weren't that bad. I managed an A*, 9 A's and 2 B's at GCSE, which isn't half bad considering I went to a below-average state school (whereas she goes to a girls grammar - my parent's missed the entrance exam date with me. Lucky me, eh?) and got bullied so badly that I was taken out of several subject classes and just got given the work to do in the library.
I just wish that my parents (especially my mum) didn't compare us all the time. She's the smart, blonde, thinner, prettier one. I'm the short, fat, mousey-haired, stupid, ugly one. It's always been this way. But god, I wish everyone wasn't so quick to remind me of it.
I wish that people could see that we're two different people and can't be compared to one another. It's horrible being the stupid one when you've got 4 high A's at A level and go to a top 4 Law school. It's horrible knowing that anything I ever do in my life, she'll do it better when her turn comes around.
I wish it wasn't a competition. I wish I wasn't the trial attempt. That's honestly how it feels. My parents try things out with me, and when they don't go perfectly, they learn from it and do things better with my sister. I'm the plasticene doll without a head.
Everything I've ever done in my life, she's done better.
Today is a classic example. It was her GCSE results day. And what were her marks? Straight A*'s. Every single subject was an A*. And where was I, while she was collecting these amazing results? I was resitting a university exam that I failed because I spend my entire life binging and purging.
This isn't a case of me being a jealous older sister. I'm unbelievably proud of her. She works hard and is VERY bright.
The problem is what my parents said to me. "Wow. She did SO much better than you! I mean, you did okay I suppose, but seriously. Wow."...I'm just not sure what her results have to do with mine. My results, for what it's worth, weren't that bad. I managed an A*, 9 A's and 2 B's at GCSE, which isn't half bad considering I went to a below-average state school (whereas she goes to a girls grammar - my parent's missed the entrance exam date with me. Lucky me, eh?) and got bullied so badly that I was taken out of several subject classes and just got given the work to do in the library.
I just wish that my parents (especially my mum) didn't compare us all the time. She's the smart, blonde, thinner, prettier one. I'm the short, fat, mousey-haired, stupid, ugly one. It's always been this way. But god, I wish everyone wasn't so quick to remind me of it.
I wish that people could see that we're two different people and can't be compared to one another. It's horrible being the stupid one when you've got 4 high A's at A level and go to a top 4 Law school. It's horrible knowing that anything I ever do in my life, she'll do it better when her turn comes around.
I wish it wasn't a competition. I wish I wasn't the trial attempt. That's honestly how it feels. My parents try things out with me, and when they don't go perfectly, they learn from it and do things better with my sister. I'm the plasticene doll without a head.