I can't go out anymore

[ree]

I'm sorry to rant... it's been a while since I left the place where I live. I usually just make trips to the local supermarket or post office or school, but today I had to meet my mum downtown and it was awful. I feel like everyone is looking at me, thinking I'm so fat and ugly and I can't stop fiddling with my headphones wire or scratching my hand or bag because I'm feeling so desperate to get out of everyone's sight.

Worst of all, she wanted to stop by Starbucks. Now Starbucks is fairly recent in this backward country I call home, and at night only beautiful, foreign people go there. It was full of thin American girls this time and I felt like absolute shit, and the clerks treated me like shit too. I wanted to cry. The atmosphere was so heavy and depressing for me but my mum didn't even notice anything.

I know I sound so pathetic right now but I NEED to get thin and confident. It's my only chance at happiness and at a proper social life. I want to be able to go to fucking starbucks at night and look good doing it.

[coraline]

thats how i feel every single day, so believe me that understand how you feel!!! i havent been to a club in like 4 months. i dont even want my friends to come to my place. i dont want them to see me like this. so you're not the only one who feels like crap :(

[Jacklinger]

Aww. I know how you feel Ree. I don't like going out much either, but I make myself do it because I just get too darn sad if I stay in all the time. I even get food when i'm out. It's not so bad now since I've lost so much weight, but ... it sucks right? I wish I could be thin too.

Try not to think about it and just go do what feels good. I'll try to do the same if you do it too.

[ree]

Thanks guys. I'm sorry you feel like this too :(
Today I had to go out again but it wasn't as bad. I wore baggy clothes and tried to be invisible.

[Rhiannon]

yeah... a lot of us feel this way.. atm i dont even want to go outside to exercise, i dont want to meet up with friends, i just dont want anyone to see me. ifeel gross, worthless and disgusting. i just want to go to sleep and hibernated and waste aways to nother for the rest of this wretched year... anyways, take care, love. xoxox rhi.