Walking Dream
08-16-2010, 10:42 PM
So i just need to get this quick emotional rant out of the way.
So today was going so-so. Had a normal amount of calories, planned to do some exercies later to burn some more off. And so I was just hanging out with my mom watching Tv, and this commercial came on with this skinny , pretty girl, and i asked 'Do you think I'm sorta big' , and I always have to ask it. It's not even that I'm fishing for compliments ... I just HAVE to ask if people think I'm fat.
And my mom said something along the lines of "No, not at all. Your way too thin, I think you looked much better with some shape. I was looking at you yesterday in your jeans, and you looked much better before."
And i just started crying, and I think i really freaked her out. And i know it's pathetic and weak, but my mom has never said I've looked bad before. Ever. And it's just like i realized I can't win.
If i gain weight, some people will think i look bad. If i lose weight, some people will think i look bad.
But I'll never think I look good. I'll never be happy. And there's no way out...and I'm just kind of sad right now.
And later, my mom felt bad and tried to tell me that she never said i 'looked bad', but thats what i heard. I know she didn't mean to make me feel awful....but, god i don't know what to do anymore.
Blec, sorry about that. I'm a mess right now.
So today was going so-so. Had a normal amount of calories, planned to do some exercies later to burn some more off. And so I was just hanging out with my mom watching Tv, and this commercial came on with this skinny , pretty girl, and i asked 'Do you think I'm sorta big' , and I always have to ask it. It's not even that I'm fishing for compliments ... I just HAVE to ask if people think I'm fat.
And my mom said something along the lines of "No, not at all. Your way too thin, I think you looked much better with some shape. I was looking at you yesterday in your jeans, and you looked much better before."
And i just started crying, and I think i really freaked her out. And i know it's pathetic and weak, but my mom has never said I've looked bad before. Ever. And it's just like i realized I can't win.
If i gain weight, some people will think i look bad. If i lose weight, some people will think i look bad.
But I'll never think I look good. I'll never be happy. And there's no way out...and I'm just kind of sad right now.
And later, my mom felt bad and tried to tell me that she never said i 'looked bad', but thats what i heard. I know she didn't mean to make me feel awful....but, god i don't know what to do anymore.
Blec, sorry about that. I'm a mess right now.