anarchben
04-28-2008, 11:40 AM
So i've had.. just.. RIDICULOUSLY low self esteem for a while now.. I hate pretty much everything about me including my body and i always feel people think of me the same way i do. but unlike some of the things i hate about me, i can change my body and weight so that's what ive been trying to do. For the past month i've been eating as little as possible and some days just dont eat anything at all. I also do 2 hours of cardio (biking) a day no matter what, even if its in the rain, ill go. Im obsessed with calories and weighing myself and if i gain a lb or dont lose any weight since the last time i weighed myself ill just freak out. Like today ive gained .8lbs since yesterday and i know it can just be water weight or w/e, but i just dont wanna gain anymore weight tomorrow. so today i had an apple and im gonna try to eat nothing else which is hard because i'm pretty depressed and eating helps that... even when i do eat an apple or anything i feel like sh*t and wish i could take it back. I've tried purging but was too scared, so i tried looking for something from the pharmacy that would induce vomiting but couldnt find any. Now i want to find some laxatives. Some more info, im a guy and i dunno if its weird for a guy to be like this, i've lost 15 lbs from around 163-165 this month, i'm 149.6 as of today, and the only time i feel good is when i feel completely empty and get back from cardio.
Now the idea that im "anorexic" isnt something i felt. it was put in my head from people observing me, though they dont know the 1/2 of what i do or feel. My feeling is that i'm not anorexic and just want to lose weight quickly. However i was just wondering if i should be concerned and if this looks like the start of a real eating disorder. Thanks guys
Now the idea that im "anorexic" isnt something i felt. it was put in my head from people observing me, though they dont know the 1/2 of what i do or feel. My feeling is that i'm not anorexic and just want to lose weight quickly. However i was just wondering if i should be concerned and if this looks like the start of a real eating disorder. Thanks guys