When is the point of no return?

[katiescarlett]

Hi,

For years I occasionally made myself sick after eating too much, and I never considered this a problem, just a rational response to overeating (I love food and have a huge appetite).

But for the past six months I have been actually bingeing just for the 'satisfaction' of purging, which seems like a different thing. It started off just like once a week, but I've done it every day for the past week and am beginning to worry that I am addicted.

It's just so tempting to go out and buy a load of chocolate, stuff it down and throw it up. Somehow it makes me feel like I have control over my greed (though that's dumb because it would be more controlled to just not pig out in the first place).

Have I started on what could be a quick downward spiral, do I need to get help? Or is this quite common and just a phase which I could easily stop with a bit of willpower?

Thanks

KatieScarlett

[anonomousmia]

No u need 2 get help. Its not normal doing it every now and then, but from the sounds of it ur a little bit like me now. Part of me enjoys eating the sugary 'bad' foods (icecream, choc, cake etc) and part of me likes the fact I can get it back up. Not everyone can eat what ever they want and stay the same weight.

However, the sensible side of me hates it. . .I know the health risks, they horrible way I feel/look after purging, and what this can do in the long term, and I am getting help now. Please go and get help, the sooner the better. Hope ur ok :) xx

[katiescarlett]

Thanks :) That's exactly it: part of me loves to eat and part of me loves to purge.

Can I ask what kind of help you are getting? I know a bit about CBT, and I've tried to ask myself what I am thinking and feeling when I binge and purge, but I just can't get a grip on it.

I always thought I was quite self-aware and rational but this behaviour just doesn't make sense. I don't hate myself, I don't have low self-esteem, I am very happy with my body (though I can't bear the thought of putting on weight) - I don't know why I do this... I guess maybe getting therapy to find out why, and address it, is the only way to stop.

[missgrungie]

katiescarlet--

You should get help if you can find a way to tell someone about it. Support is always a good thing to have and I'm sure you can find plenty of that here!

I started out from not that often and now I find myself purging at least twice a day even if I haven't binged on delicious chocolate and lots of ice cream!!

I know it's unhealthy and I know the risks and I've done a TON of research so I suggest that you do the same. If you really want help I think the first step is realizing that you have a problem (which you've done) and the second is to try and scare yourself by all the harmful effects of daily purging... and there are a lot!

I really do hope you can find help and that you can find it quickly because it seems like you've noticed your problem early enough to end it before it does get too out of control.
GOOD LUCK!! and we're all here for support whenever you need it

xx

[anonomousmia]

I went to the Doctors who put me on anti depressants because there are supposed to help with your mood and decreasing cravings, there are 3 different doses for that so it can be increased if the Doctor and you both feel its necessary. However, just visiting the Doctor was not enough for me, and I have found now that the medication doesn't make that much difference.

I tried a therapist but she was useless (could of just been her?) but she really did not help and just annoyed me. So I only saw her twice.

I began to see a health advisor from my university who gave me a self help book where I set up a meal plan etc, it was actually quite helpful at first, and I did improve a little.

I have just been referred to an eating disorder clinic by my Doctor, so hopefully I will get some proper help soon. I hope some of this has been helpful? :)

I am the same! I actually, am ok with my figure how is it, its decent. Sure I would like to loose some weight, but who doesn't? However, I would hate to put on any weight!! And again I feel the same, I don't know why I insist on scoffing my face and throwing it up?? But I just can't stop myself. Hope u can beat this xx

[katiescarlett]

Thanks guys, it's nice to find a forum where people are honest and supportive :)

I haven't binged for two days, though I keep thinking about it. I am going out for a big meal with friends tomorrow and there's no way I'm keeping that down, but I'm going to really try and make it less frequent.

Does anyone else feel like it's all about control? I have been going to the gym for the last two days, and eating under 2000 calories a day, and that seems to give me some of the same satisfaction I get from a purge, ie feeling like I can control my body. It's not as good though...

Hope everyone else is doing OK :)

[blindchoice]

i found that therapy did not help me.
a few years ago i cut myself and tried to commit suicide a few times.
i was bounced from therapist to therapist and they all just annoyed me.
and didnt help.
i had to figure out why i was cutting in the first place.
then try to fix that.
it didnt work.
so i replaced the cutting with something else.
i wore rubber bands on my wrist and popped them when i felt like cutting.
then i replaced that with writing about it.
its like when people try to stop smoking they chew gum when they want a cigarette.
find something to replace the binge and purge.

hope that helps :]

[x2to00x]

i hate to purge. i only do it if absolutely necessary and i actually use it as a punishment for eating too much.

you however, seem to LOVE it. i think this is dangerous cause of course it's going to be addictive. b/p is REALLY dangerous. you can die from it b/c of electrolyte imbalances which cause a heart attack...at any time! you can rupture your stomach and die or your esophagus...maybe live from that?? i'm not sure.

you're teeth will definitely get messed up. Don't love to purge. you've got to get help for this now.

[ShowingBones.]

I only purge, when I have binged and eaten too much. Its my little way off feeling less guilty for what I ate, but also a punishment too. Then I might fast the next day or take out how many calories I binged for the next day. I used to
cutt too. Now I believe I am replacing that with an ED. I haven't gotten help for
an ED but for cutting I have. Did therapy for 2 years. In your condition, it
sounds like it might get out of control, probably is already. It can be addictive
and you should go get help. Just go tell a friend, parent, school counselor, an
ADULT, so you can get help. Please we don't need people dying now. =/