I don't want the help I need

[2bfree4ever]

This is a complete vent if you read it please help me or give advice .
Okay so my name is ana I'm 15 and I binge eat I guess I want to loose weight I addictively abuse laxatives I've tried to stop. I hat myself and my life. I go to therapy and it's made it worse ever since going I've realized how imperfect I am.

Yesterday I was at therapy and she talked about putting me on medication for depression I wasn't sure and now I just want to die I'd rather be skinny and happy then have clinical depression so I might aswell die.

I'm 125 pounds but with a huge gut of fat I'm worthless and I push away anyone. I tryto change but I can't I'm feel safe on this site because most of you can ideratand. Sorry or sounding like a debbie downer I'm not mean or anuthih just hurt and confused because I have no one

[silver_elf]

Do you think that being skinny will make you happy? Because there are probably other factors that enter into that, and maybe your weight is one of them but think about the other things you can change in the meantime!
You can improve your body image NOW so that when you do lose the weight you'll be used to feeling good about yourself and you won't get stuck into the cycle of wanting to lose even more, and even more... with no results on your mindset.
Wouldn't you rather do everything you can to be happy asap instead of waiting until you're skinny?
Therapy is tough, it really is, because it makes you realize things maybe you don't want to... but it's like exercise- it's HARD and it hurts like hell after but over time it gets easier and you do reap the benefits. Your thought patterns start to become more positive.

And so what if you have depression- now you know, and now you can do something about it! The antidepressants are there to help. There's nothing to be ashamed of, it's an extremely extremely common ailment. And people do recover.

It's okay to be confused and down, you've probably got a lot going on right now and it's so hard sometimes to cope, and it's especially hard when you feel alone. It's okay. Let yourself feel. Remember, we're on your side, we want to help as much as we can. Remember, it won't be like this forever, where there are downs there are also ups on the way.