I have no idea how to start recovery.. plz help!

[shadowgirl]

hi everyone,

by just looking at my signature, you're gonna know how controlled I am by mia! this ed is depressing me out and I'm so fed up with it but I can't stop by my own. I convinced myself before that I could stop but that was nothing but a huge lie!!

The problem is, I don't even know how to stop. I don't know how to start talking about the problem and who should I talk to about it. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. The older I become, the harder (& more embarressing) it is for me to talk about the problem.

I hope you guys share your experience with recovery with me and how you started it.. that's going to be very helpful.

Thanks in advance!
<3

[fwyzing]

Starting by talking is the best way, especially with a therapist who actually knows about eds.
writedown absolutely everything you'd want to say to a therapist or counselor, so when you go see them you don't chicken out and start lying. Hand them the list or whatever of all the things that bother you or the diets you're on or you're rituals and stuff and just hand it to them. When you start seeing them at first, start with small talk and get to know each other, hand them the paper at the end. makes it much easier =]
from there that person should recommend you to other things if you want to, like psychiatrists or nutritionists or inpatient places.
the best thing about these guys is most let yout ext them whenever you need to

[LightsTurnOff]

It was a long battle for me to get any help, due to our healthcare system, so in the end I just decided it was better for me to get myself a private therapist and make the best effort of getting better that I can. Because anything had to be better than where I was starting out from. That was last December and I'd say now, although I've had some recent setbacks I'm in a much better place than I was. I've cut the amount of times I was going through with behaviours and I just feel sometimes it's easier to be more relaxed in myself lately. I still feel a lot of anxiety sometimes but these things take time and it's not easy. I believe my therapist has a lot of prior experience with people in similar positions to me so she seemed like a good person to go to.

I remember my first appointment not knowing what to say and I think mainly through fear I guess I didn't say all the things I wanted to say or should have said. So I like the idea of writing down your problems or issues you want to bring up and either verbalising them or handing over the piece of paper. Just be 100% honest. I know for me anorexia makes me lie all the time so it would have been automatic to just lie some more but for me I wanted to be honest with myself aswell. I've had quite a few sessions now and things seem a lot clearer to me about how I found myself in the position I am in, triggers etc and it's been good to piece it all together and finally have something to work on. At the moment I'm supposed to come up with how I see my life in say 10 years time once I've made all these changes, which is very odd because I never saw myself being alive in 10 years time prior to now. I never thought I'd get to the stage of wanting another life for myself but I do see it is possible and I'm really glad you do too. :) I didn't want to be an adult with anorexia except I am and the longer it was going to go on the worse it was going to get, which obviously you understand too.

I haven't been referred on to anyone else really, just stick with the one person. I've seen a couple of dietiticians. One wanted to NG me on the spot and the other was lovely but at the time I was very resistant to advice which I regret. It's best to keep an open mind about these things, unlike me, since it's probably wise to have a team of people with different specialities. There is definitely help out there for you if you want it though!

[shadowgirl]

Thank you guys so much for replying. I don't know what to say.. I'm relieved after reading your replys but I can't say I'll go and talk to a therapist about my ed now.. at the same time, I have no idea what I'm waiting for!! crazy, isn't it?

[dancinqbear]

It might be different in your case, but for me my recovery started by telling someone. That is such a massive help, because they're your 'safety net' so to speak, and can pick you up if you start to slip.
The second step was... food. In my (most likely incorrect) opinion, the mind can't start to recover while the body is still in distress. There is evidence from the Minnesota study behind that. Eating little amounts regularly is a good start, especially things that go down easily, like apple puree :)
At first it will be absolute HELL, (it was for me anyway), but it will get better, after the initial guilt, turmoil, distress, and feeling disgusting. but that seems to be part of it i'm afraid...
I'd deal with the immediate psychical problems first, and then the mental, but different people do it different ways.
good luck x