contemplating suicide

[elizabeta_bones]

does this ever happen to anyone else? my life has revolved around bingeing and purging for the past four years. it's the reason i quit ballet, the reason i started blowing off and eventually lost all my friends, the reason i've become a total burdon to my family, the reason i can't keep a job and now it's the reason i'm scared to even leave my house. i have an appointment with my old psychiatrist in aboust two weeks, but i've tried so many things to help myself i dont even know what the point is anymore. each hour is a losing battle and i'm seriously considering just giving up the fight.
at this point, im just trying to talk myself out of it. is anyone can relate or make me feel less alone, i'd greatly appreciate it.

[megera]

I have thoughts of ending it all the time, the reason I dont is I keep thinking about how much it will hurt my family and friends :( If you need to talk about it Im more then willing to listen and be a friend

[shlizz90]

always always always. there's still hope though...

[annabella]

not really sure whatt o say, i have suicidal feelings a lot, however much you feel you are a burden to your family and friends it would be worse if you weren't there. i know that is hard to live for other people but if you can focus on that for the time being then things will get better. Hopefully you're psychiatrist will be able to help you.

here for you hun.
xx

[katarinac]

Hi, I just wanted to ask how you are. Have you seen your therapist?

I used to have bulimia, pretty bad, it seems to have been under control for moss of the time over last few years, apart from some very stressful point in life. I remember having suicidal thoughts, and having suffered from this horrible thing I can relate to what you are saying.
Please, please get some help and talk to people. There is always help and way out, just ask for it!!!
I suffered for about 10 years and still managed to pull though. Although it was so dark and painful at times, I healed, physically and psychologically.

Wish you all the best,
please stay in touch

[Chew]

I sometimes tell myself that everything is soo awful and I wish I could just die but I probably never would kill myself, my life is exceedingly depressing and sad though & I have basically lost all my friends, the 2 acquaintance/friends I have left only ask me out when they have no money because they know i'll pay for them, and then they go and serve me full fat cola telling me it's diet... I have no true friends... I have no place in this world and I also feel as though I am becoming a mean and arrogant self centered person without really knowing it.

[katarinac]

Chewspit, sorry to hear about your current situation. How old are you? It seems that you are very young, as all of us had one or more bad experiences with the friends during our youth. With time you learn how to build solid and deep friendships with people who deserve it better and whom you're more compatible with. Actually, even as you get older you might get disappointed in poeple now and then.

edit: I can's say anything about your friendships for sure, of course, I'm only guessing.

Bulimia is a full time job, it consumes time, robs you of energy and ruins your mood and health. This is why you simply don't have time or energy to invest in other areas of life. One of the aims of therapy is to increase positive behaviors, which in turn reduces your need to binge and purge.
I am thirty years old now (actually 31, hard to admit so much time has passed so fast) and I wish I was more serious about my treatment earlier, right after I realized something was wrong and I was feeling really bad, instead of waiting...


You are not mean and arrogant person, you're in pain and suffering and bulima is associated with iritability and depression.
You have a life to live, friends to make, time to actually enjoy life, please don't let it go, look for help. If you don't things can get worse.

[katarinac]

I also have to add there's tendency, when you feel so bad about yourself and your life, to interpret things negatively. Maybe your friends like going put with you, but you conovince yourself it's only because you pay. Or, maybe they are worried about your weight and that's why they order regular coke- of course, this is not a way to help you, by doing it behind your back. It's scary too, imagine someone ordered something behing your back with an ingredient you were alergic to, or ordered a sugar drink for a diabetic.

[silentxrainxdrops]

yeah i know how you feel, i've been suicidal for about 5 years and its hard all i can really say to you is that no matter how hopeless you feel try and find something, anything that you enjoy and that's worth keeping and hold on to it. anything that makes you happy in the smallest bits hold on to it because in the end it may be the very thing to save you even if its only something as small as walking outside in the sunshine. having hope and letting in some love is really all you need. and i honestly mean it when i say that i'm always here and you can come to me if you ever feel like you might do something or just need to talk. infact i hope that you will message me because it's terrible not being able to talk to anyone so please know that all of us are here for you.

[x2to00x]

elizabeta - just wanted to see if you were feeling better today?

it's important for you to know that you can beat this and that others have done so before you. it sounds like you're feeling really helpless to stop the cycle. your therapist or another one can help you to stop so don't give up hope.

it's a great first step that you even want to stop. it sounds like you hate the binging and purging. i'm telling you that if you want this out of your life, you can get away from it.

please reply cause i just want to know that you're ok today. saying you want to end it is serious talk :-(

[i.hate.my.life.45]

All of the time. I have anorexia, not bulimia, but everytime I eat I wish I hadn't. I know I am even further than perfection than I was before and I can't take it. There are days when I just want to kill myself, so that I don't have to worry about food anymore. I've actually been close to doing it, but I've never follwed through, in fear of what my family and friends would do.

[dontaskkat]

i grew up with a girl who committed suicide last year and let me tell you, it is just..indescribable. the wave of shock and disbelief that transcended through the lives of those who knew her was just...these lives will NEVER EVER be the same. her brother, father and mother? how can they move forward? there is no answer.

[miasavestheday]

Theres too much beauty to quit