Help!

[scarlie]

I recently started a new school, and since then I've completely changed. Don't get me wrong, I love it there and I wouldn't leave for the world, but I'm getting really stressed. It's selective, unlike my other one, so the work's a lot harder and there's a lot more homework. I'm not failing or anything, I'm just terrified I'll get bad marks and disappoint everyone, including myself. I was always getting top marks at my other school, so I guess I just have really high standards.

The thing is, everyone thinks I'm this happy, outgoing girl who loves socialising and finds it easy to make new friends. And up until a few months ago, I was. Now I'm always terrified people don't actually like me and they're just being nice because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I feel really nervous whenever I'm around my friends from that school. 'Being yourself' is a lot easier said than done. I keep feeling really scared to be around people and hating myself.

I'm also having some trouble sleeping, and I'm a lot more skittish than usual. I've never been a good sleeper, but I'm getting an average of around five to seven hours, and nine hours is supposed to be the bare minimum. My mum's all into natural remedies and flower extracts, but dropping funny-tasting stuff on my tongue hasn't helped so far.

If anyone has some tips on how to just calm down a bit and give my self-esteem a lift, I'd be really grateful. Thanks!

[DontCareIfItHurts]

I have just the same problem with nervousness in social situations! I read that people with social anxiety focus too much on themselves when theyre around other people, thinking stuff like "What do I look like right now? What should I say? Do I seem annoying? Should I talk more? Should I talk less? Why did I laugh like that, that was a stupid laugh... God they all think I'm so dumb, I can see it in her eyes, she feels sorry for me..." and on and on. And because you get so wrapped up in self-consciousness, you forget how to actually interact with people! Which makes you more self conscious, so it's a vicious circle.

The advice is to calm down and forget about trying to control how you seem to other people - it's hard, but you have to realise that just saying whatever and not worrying about it even if you say something that might be dumb or annoying is BETTER than constantly being wrapped up in how nervous you feel and tying not to make mistakes. Does this make any sense? What I'm saying is, by being anxious about fitting in you're making it harder for yourself to fit in. Just trust other people to forgive you when you make mistakes, cos everyone does!

Your anxiety might be causing your insomnia, I know it sure causes mine. All the old tricks like a warm bath and a steady bedtime routine at the same time each night help, but if you try to force yourself to sleep you definitely won't! So try to think of the time before you fall asleep as your wind-down time. Lie comfortably and think about happy things like memories or plans for the future, listen to some gentle music or read for a while. Don't think about getting to sleep, and don't think about the stuff that worries you, just think about having some nice, calm, relaxing "me-time". At least that way your body and mind are getting some rest even if you don't actually sleep.

Sorry about the long post, but I hope some of this helps a little - even if it's only knowing that someone else has these exact same problems :o