The Rabit Hole

[JSMarcus]

Unlike Alice...she had magic to get out of the hole she dived into without giving it a seconds thought on how she would ever get out of.

I can't help feeling a little resentful of that at the moment.

I am fresh off of getting back from a doctors appointment. I don't get off with not coming back again for a month...or even a few weeks. I get 6 days and I have to go back.

My meds got upped, and added to. I got weighed, I got argued with, I got frustrated. I still don't know what is going on. I don't know how I got this bad again so fast. I was just going to take a break from my maintenance plan. I just needed a rest from it all. I don't know how I'm going to get out and frankly I don't know if I want to climb out again....

[JEANNE]

Sorry hon........ it does get bad quickly doesn't it? Just overnight sometimes, it can go from one extreme to another and before you know it you are back at the teaparty as the guest of honor and the Mad Hatter is talking nonsense again and you are listening! And above the hole (if you can still see up top and hear voices from above) people are calling and trying to offer help out, but listening to these 2 opposing views is so confusing! I know.

Somedays I think "its better the devil I know" (ed) vs. the unknown. (recovery). I guess that's why they call it an addiction or a mental disease, the battle of the rational vs. irrational mind. sounds like you have a decision to make again: how bad do I want my life back? bad enough to risk this hard work and potential unknown new life without ed?


I am here for you, I know that you can do whatever it is you want to do and I HOPE for you a happy, healthy life. Hope you get what you most want and desire and I'd be here if you need to talk or need a push or a hand up from that hole. Take care, xoo Jeanne