cover up or not this summer?

[neenna]

Ive not been to this forum so often, cuz Im trying to stop SI, again -.-, and it can be kinda triggering. but now Ive gone 2 or maybe 3 month without it :D I dont count the days cuz it just stresses me out. and I think that I can handle it now, the trigger thing I mean :P
and now when I dont got any new scabs or scars and summers here, kinda, yea :P anyway Ive decided that this summer Im not hiding in long sleeves! if people wanna think Imma freak Im gonna let them.. I mean fuck them!

and I started this new thing yesterday, I was going downtown to buy a (working ><) scale and it was really hot so I thought why not?
it was a bit uncomfortable at first but I did it :D been covering up for I dont know how many years! I feel so free! not at home tho, dont want my parents to see.

how do you do it this summer? xo :)

[iliketurtles]

I've been braving the old bare arms when I'm sure nobody I know will see me...that's about it though. I haven't done anything to myself since April (tried to kill myself, didn't even come close to succeeding but I kind of scared the urge to cut out of myself, so far anyway), but I have more scars than I've had for any recent summer, plus whatever about ones higher up on my arms I'm not comfortable with people seeing my wrists :( I've been wearing bangles though, lots of them!

Good for you, both for stopping the SI and being brave enough to go bare! *claps*

[neenna]

oh, I hope you´re alright? since april, thats a long time!
Im kinda like that too, scared of cutting, I dont really know how much of it thats under my control and not, you know? I do bangles too, love them, and that the style is big big! lol
and thanks :P

[iliketurtles]

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I presented myself to the mental health services in university because I'd always used cutting as a coping device and never seen it as a problem up until recently, I didn't know how much control I had over it and for the first time I felt it'd be impossible (rather than just difficult) to stop. Obviously that wasn't the best choice, they put me on anti-depressants and I tried to kill myself while on them, I stopped taking them immediately afterwards and stopped going to counselling, I wanted to take control of the situation myself. Sounds strange but I felt so panicked thinking of having to go to counselling, and I felt so ashamed of myself getting a prescription filled for the meds when I didn't really believe I needed them. The second I put myself into the system I (rightly or wrongly) felt like I'd made myself their responsibility, I felt helpless and ashamed and got way worse, the second I took myself out I felt like I was my own responsibility again and had to answer to myself.

But I feel fine now, just have to be aware of what's going on in my own head. Oh and not drink vodka, that's very important! Looong reply :p

[EmptyCupOfHappiness]

Good job, I like that - "I mean fuck them!".
I'm afraid I will be covering up this Summer.. sucks =P.