fragile
10-05-2007, 04:33 PM
I joined this a while ago but haven't really been on. I'm just stuck in a bit of a rut. I've been up and down with starving/bingeing and purging/overeating since I was 13. I'm 19 now and I'm just so sick of not being able to stick to one.
People say I can't have a problem, or an eating disorder because my body doesn't show it. But I know myself I have some sort of disordered eating. Last year I starved for a few months after summer and lost loads of weight. Everyone noticed, and I was happy. Then I got put on new meds and piled it back on, and I've slowly crept up again.
Tonight in work, one of my "friends" kept making little comments and they were all to do with my weight, and I got so insulted. We always have a laugh in there but tonight it just felt so personal and I hated myself. I half wish I could just stick to something, because what's the point if all my bad eatinhabits cancel eachother out and my weight stays the same?
My mum always says if you want something bad enough you'll get it, but I hate that, because all I've wanted for as long as I can remember was to be thin. I've been mucking up my body as long as I can remember and nothing's changed.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get some of that out.
People say I can't have a problem, or an eating disorder because my body doesn't show it. But I know myself I have some sort of disordered eating. Last year I starved for a few months after summer and lost loads of weight. Everyone noticed, and I was happy. Then I got put on new meds and piled it back on, and I've slowly crept up again.
Tonight in work, one of my "friends" kept making little comments and they were all to do with my weight, and I got so insulted. We always have a laugh in there but tonight it just felt so personal and I hated myself. I half wish I could just stick to something, because what's the point if all my bad eatinhabits cancel eachother out and my weight stays the same?
My mum always says if you want something bad enough you'll get it, but I hate that, because all I've wanted for as long as I can remember was to be thin. I've been mucking up my body as long as I can remember and nothing's changed.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to get some of that out.