Well I'm screwed...

[amazon2]

Checked my email just a bit ago... why is it that I'm away less than a week and THAT'S when everyone contacts me and sends me sh$t...?

But yeah, I get an email from my school saying they are taking me out of the summer classes I'm enrolled in because I'm being suspended due to my grades from last semester...? Well what the HECK took you so long to tell me this? I already bought the books and everything for the two classes and the classes started LAST MONDAY!!!??? I registered for these things well over a month ago... why are they telling me NOW that I'm basically being kicked out of school AND those classes...?

They really need to get there stuff together. I mean I already got a letter from them to give to this dude so I can get my military ID renewed that said that I am going to be in school in the fall with them and that my expected graduation date is 2012...? Does no one talk with one another...? Do people just LIKE to give wrong information out when it is THIS EFFING IMPORTANT?

I don't know what to do now... I can't tell my mother... I'm so fucking depressed now that it's not even funny. My mind is screaming so many things at me right now that it's almost a little scary.... part is saying to go in the bathroom and cut and cut deep and a LOT, part of me is saying go to my bag and take stuff and drift away, part of me is saying go to the fridge and eat EVERYTHING in site, part of me is saying that now I have NO REASON not to be skinny and that I should use this as a reason to never eat again, and part of me.... just wants to curl up in a ball and leave... let my mind take me away from here for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, I don't know and I don't CARE.........

[Jacklinger]

Never rely on a government agency to give you anything on time. They have no incentive to do so.

It seems you may not be able to meet your previous expectations of yourself now. Disappointing yourself always seems to sting 100 times more than disappointing someone else. I guess it's because when we set our own bars, we completely expect to clear it. Whereas when others set the bars, we can say it was too high, too much was expected. But we can't say that if we set our own goals. Or can we? It's not really so unusual that an individual is unaware of her limitations at first. Limitation are invisible, and can only be discovered when they are tested. These discoveries are usually 80% of how we learn who we are. Failure often teaches more than success. (so why am I not smarter?)

So now you may need to make a change of plans. Assess the damage and try to recover. Recall your long term goal and see if there is an alternate route to getting there. Or, you may consider changing priorities. Maybe addressing your ED and SH is right now more important than school, especially if they contributed to your poor grades in the first place. Or, maybe you prefer to just give up. No sarcasm or offense intended. What would be the worse thing that could happen if you just decided to quit and elect a simpler life? A bunch of people might yell at you at first, and of those, some will accept your decision and others may turn their backs on you. A decision like this often reveals they who truly value us for pure reasons. But in all of human history, you should know, that most of them chose to live simple lives where very little is expected of them. There's no shame in it. You may never know wealth, but you can still take care of yourself with a 9 to 5 office job, or working at a restaurant or meat packing plant, etc. Then after a year or two, you may decide to go back to school, or not.

I was in a similar position about 15 years ago. I also felt horrible depression and became suicidal. I had the same types of choices before me. Which one do you think I picked?