Why am I such an idiot? HATE BEING LIKE ME.

[meltingaway]

************

[Eeyoer]

Im sure you are not an idiot hunny, but I know exactly how you are feeling, feel like that about myself all the time. But thats our illness trying to make us feel crap so it continues to gain control over us. Chin up hunny!!
Why do you think you are an idiot anyway? Just because we do some things we regret afterwards doesn't make us stupid or an idiot, I am doing stupid things all the time, just try and laugh at myself.;)

[shlizz90]

Dunno why you feel like an idiot, but I'm sure it's nothing that can't be fixed. mistakes only make it easier the next time around

[meltingaway]

Thanks guys! :p I really didn't expect anyone to reply to such a stupid message! Actually I wrote why I was an idiot but then tried to delete the post a few minutes later as reading it made me hate myself even more :o

I'd been to a big party that day (Saturday) and had spent the day walking about avoiding all the alcohol and food that everyone else was enjoying, which I guess made me feel like a freak generally - but as the day went on I just felt really distant from everyone and lonely amidst all the Bank Holiday fun. I know everyone has private pain and worry, and that most of the people I was looking at are just better at dealing with it or concealing it than I am, but everyone seemed so generous spirited and kind and alive and relaxed. I always feel like I can't talk as happily to others as everyone else seems to, and worry that I give off a really unfriendly vibe because I'm spending the whole day terrified of all the food.

Also, every night at the moment I lie wide awake in bed feeling as if I'm in a nightmare. I can get through the day because of all the work to do and focussing on what I eat and when and excercising, but the last few hours of the day feel so hollow and empty sometimes. It seems to be getting worse.

On that note, and sorry for going on, and will probably end up deleting this all anyway as feel like such a dummy moaning like this, but I feel like I look fatter and fatter and fatter, even though I weigh less than I did last week. I know that's a hackneyed anorexia concept, but I REALLY AM fatter. I can't imagine what I looked like a few pounds back! It's so discouraging. Feel like I've ages to go to feel happier with my weight again. :(

[FrailAngel]

I honestly feel the exact same way as you. I'm completely obsessed with losing weight, it controls my life. Its all I think about during the day. All I do is exercise and I lose weight, yet I look at myself in the mirror and I look fatter. Then I go and measure myself and i'm usually the same. It is so frustrating. Plus on top of that all my other depression problems.. it isn't a fun life.