OnlyGoestoShow
05-30-2010, 01:02 AM
I have been abused most of my life, so it was only a matter of time before I started doing the same in any matter that I could. (I am typing this at 3am, and I am hoping this is making sense). I have matured so much and grown with all of you, and I appreciate each and every one of you very much. I just love the vibes here. Gotta love the love vibes! But you know, I have really been struggling with this issue for about three months (though the longest months of my life) and I really started putting my tormenting thoughts into action in April. I dropped over twenty pounds that month.
This thing is taking over me, but I know I still have a little sense of control and I have been holding onto it all this time. I finally feel like I need to pull out of this ED thing while I still have control, and believe me in the early stages I believe some people may still have control. I have read many of your stories and see how everyone suffers. I think you all have saved my life in all actuality. I do not want the rest of my life to be like the last tormenting three months.
You could say I was a 'wannarexic' and I would have to agree. I think to an extent many of the people on here may want tips, more motivation, to install in them. I think the difference between me and the stereotypical 'wannarexics' is that I didn't want this as a temporary diet routine. I wanted this for life and I did feel like I wanted to die. I imagined starving as a cause of death with be a noble death. I did have that voice in my head, you know? I didn't need a forum to tell me that I am eating more than I deserve, and that I am nothing. And oh, I don't know. There's that epic wannarexic debate.
I guess what I am trying to say is I have not struggled with an ED for the extent that many of you all have. I am not going to exaggerate so I can get respect, either. I need to pull myself out of this while I feel like I still have the strengh. For those that may wonder why I have this sudden epiphone, the answer is my spirituality discovered slightly after my niece died. Go to The Chair and read 'Can Death Bring Life?'
I am not too far in this thing. I have to fight against the voice. I will not let it win. I have much better things to live for. I love every one of you. You are the most compassionate and easy-going people that I have ever come across in the cyber safari. <3
This thing is taking over me, but I know I still have a little sense of control and I have been holding onto it all this time. I finally feel like I need to pull out of this ED thing while I still have control, and believe me in the early stages I believe some people may still have control. I have read many of your stories and see how everyone suffers. I think you all have saved my life in all actuality. I do not want the rest of my life to be like the last tormenting three months.
You could say I was a 'wannarexic' and I would have to agree. I think to an extent many of the people on here may want tips, more motivation, to install in them. I think the difference between me and the stereotypical 'wannarexics' is that I didn't want this as a temporary diet routine. I wanted this for life and I did feel like I wanted to die. I imagined starving as a cause of death with be a noble death. I did have that voice in my head, you know? I didn't need a forum to tell me that I am eating more than I deserve, and that I am nothing. And oh, I don't know. There's that epic wannarexic debate.
I guess what I am trying to say is I have not struggled with an ED for the extent that many of you all have. I am not going to exaggerate so I can get respect, either. I need to pull myself out of this while I feel like I still have the strengh. For those that may wonder why I have this sudden epiphone, the answer is my spirituality discovered slightly after my niece died. Go to The Chair and read 'Can Death Bring Life?'
I am not too far in this thing. I have to fight against the voice. I will not let it win. I have much better things to live for. I love every one of you. You are the most compassionate and easy-going people that I have ever come across in the cyber safari. <3