Can death bring life?

[OnlyGoestoShow]

My niece died last night. She was born and then she died after seven days in NICU. I've learned that life is fragile. Suddenly I've found the will to eat and enjoy it. I have made abusive comments to myself when I eat, but now it's like "Okay, so you are alive. Be happy." Getting thin is becoming so far fetched for me. Being healthy is more at home with me, I am learning. Being healthy and HAPPY. Not killing myself daily, physically and in spirit. I don't know. Take this as you want. I watched a baby die. I saw her take her last breaths. And here I am worrying about not being pretty enough. I just want to be happy. Isn't that why people want to be pretty, isn't that why people want to be in control? To be happy or at peace? Isn't that why we do all things? Maybe I should just focus on the grand goal and fight to not get tangled in the web of the living.

[JEANNE]

She may have lived a short time, but it sounds like she left a huge impact on your life. Its amazing isn't it where the seeds of inspiration or the realizations that life is good come from? good luck with your life, make your sweet neice proud wherever she may be.

[Massive-Molly]

I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm so glad to hear it's bringing along positive changes in your life.
I don't know where you stand with the whole Heaven/Hell thing, but I believe babies go to heaven. And I bet she's really proud of you.

Take care, sweetie.

XOXO
Molly

[Jacklinger]

My niece died last night. She was born and then she died after seven days in NICU. I've learned that life is fragile. Suddenly I've found the will to eat and enjoy it. I have made abusive comments to myself when I eat, but now it's like "Okay, so you are alive. Be happy." Getting thin is becoming so far fetched for me. Being healthy is more at home with me, I am learning. Being healthy and HAPPY. Not killing myself daily, physically and in spirit. I don't know. Take this as you want. I watched a baby die. I saw her take her last breaths. And here I am worrying about not being pretty enough. I just want to be happy. Isn't that why people want to be pretty, isn't that why people want to be in control? To be happy or at peace? Isn't that why we do all things? Maybe I should just focus on the grand goal and fight to not get tangled in the web of the living.

There's nothing that can really be added to what you said yourself. I'm really glad you came to this realization. I've heard it described this way - that a grain of wheat must fall before anything can grow. I'm not sure if I understand what that means but I think it has something to do with learning from loss. I'm very sorry about your niece. I'm sorry for your sibling too. They must be devastated also.