View Full Version : Tragic Beauty
05-13-2010, 12:30 PM
Ok... so I don't think this is prob the right forum but I mostly relate as a bulimic even though I'm fasting right now...
In any case, I'm sure you've probably heard the term tragic beauty... in reference to Marilyn Monroe and such... but I mean... do you believe it?? Do you believe that there are beautiful people out there "fated" to live a lone, tragic life?
Um... gosh... I think thats the case for me... I try REALLY hard to be a good a person... and for the most part I think I succeed... and I do think I'm pretty... Ive been told so many times... but I can't endure someone else loving me... I always cut it off... I think I'm just destined to live my life to help others while I'm still here and suffer silently...
And then, my manger yesterday said, "You're such a doll, Mar... like Marilyn Monroe"... Did that confirm it?? What did he mean to say??
So... I guess... do you believe it?? Do you think there's such a think as a tragic beauty??
05-13-2010, 12:40 PM
WELL, I think there are some of us whom have been so tragically used and abused in our lives that we put up walls and will not let anyone "love" us........ that;s me, Marialise, not you!! I don't know your story. But I get told the same stuff and honestly, I cannot let myself be loved or get attached to people or be cared about. It is so much more comfortable for me to be the helper and advisor and "oh, you are so great, unselfish, wonderful.." when inwardly I feel like the biggest fake and unreal person in the world. And lonely, its hell to not be able to accept human contact or be in a relationship that gives you back. Except for my friends here!!! Its so "safe" here cause we don't meet in rl. but you, sweet Marialise I DO NOT think are destined to be tragically unloved or unhappy or any of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxoo Jeanne
05-13-2010, 01:20 PM
Thanks Jeanne... but I'm the same way... I try to be good and be pretty and smart but it doesn't matter... I don't want someone to love me bc I'm good or smart or pretty... I want them the ugly, real me... and i guess maybe thats what makes us tragic... bc everyone sees this facade and thinks its ok... that we're dolls and it doesn't matter what else happens... but its not... its NOT OK!!
05-17-2010, 09:36 AM
People with Ed are often really really beautiful I think... especially the bulimics.... I go to group therapies, so I met a lot of people with different problems... And they are often the most beautiful personn I have ever met... Wanting to be flawless, perfect is something common among people with ed... anorexics, bulimics and overeaters...
I do think part of the "trigger" for me, when I fell back into anorexia after a couple of good years was that guys were looking at me too much... I always had big breast for my small frame... I hated that attention... the thing is... almost no one really knows me... like you said... the ugly me... the real me... I'm a really good actress I guess.... people think I'm the happiest personn on earth.... I think that beauty is something hard to deal with... like you said...
05-17-2010, 09:52 AM
I totally see what you guys mean.
I can relate to most characteristics too. I am, too, considered one of the most outgoing, helpful, content girls on the world by my friends and family. I also feel like being fake all the time. While in fact, i DO want to be that person, the nice, helpful friend, who always listens, who is so selfless that can let go of everything in her interest just to help someone else. And to an extent, i believe we ARE like that. What is killing us, are the secrets we keep, that parts of us we dont share.
I see a duality here. We have extremely strict rules, expectations and high standards when it comes to us, which standards MUST be met, without excuse, without mercy. There is no forgiving when WE slip. And on the other hand, we are so allowing and undertanding with others... We are the first to find an excuse for our friends when they are making mistakes, the first to comfort anyone who feels like a failure... Also, we put our problems into a sealed box, to be able to help others, because we feel that our issues are just not worth sharing.
Reading your posts, i think we are very similar in many aspects - not only ED-wise!
05-19-2010, 02:29 PM
Yes !!!! Thank for pointing that out... the fact that we usually excuse more easily others than ourselves....
also usually take care of them a lot more.... When of the first thing I said to my mother was : why is there an eraser on the end of pencils... I don't want to erase.... I was also always mad -at me- when I was loosing. Even if it was a monopoly game. We pressure us to be perfect no matter what, but in the same time, we hate when it is too much.... when people notice us to much or... we're not confortable with compliments, but we do everything in a way we will eventually receive them.... you know... I don't know if it's clear but.... It'S the same pattern... me and the girls from the Ed group I go to every monday said... I want my boyfriend to want me... but I don't want to sleep with him. If he doesn't want me, I get frustrated.
I think we have lots of dualities inside ourselves, like you said.... That's why we're so messed up with food... And you know eventually, it "attacks" other part of our life, so it ends up that we're fucked up in almost every aspect of our life....
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.7 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.