I want to recover

[madeofstars]

...and so I draw your attention to my blog (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).

I am kind of excited to be posting in the recovery forum. Anyone else here trying to recover? I'm looking for support and understanding and advice, and promise to give it back to anyone else in need!

[stargAzerkitty]

I'm glad to hear this,
I really wish you well with your recovery.
You can do it!
You deserve it.

xoxo

[Joel]

Good luck recovering :)

[JEANNE]

great for you, honey. honestly, all the best to you, I take hope from your bravery! :) xxoo Jeanne

[LightsTurnOff]

I guess I too am currently trying to recover, never thought I'd want it then I decided to make a serious attempt at therapy start of December 2009 and I'm surprised by how much it has helped. The approach taken by my therapist has been a good one so far, we've focussed less on the eating/gaining side of things more on the events that led me to developing anorexia in the first place. Just by doing that and letting go a little I do feel slightly more at ease around food and with myself. I still have 'fat' days but in reality I'm starting to realise I must be very small given my weight and height. From reading your blog it seems you've come to a similar place in your ED journey too! For me it was do or die, literally. If I decided to carry on losing I'd have given it a couple more years max and that would have been it.

In a sense I know my life is more than just this. I've given up so much to constantly lose weight and I'd planned my future totally based on being anorexic. Taking time to think about what I really want actually makes me quite upset because I'd given up on most of the so called big life events happening for me. Supposedly the important thing is being able to choose the path you take and although I'm not ready to choose to change all of it, I do want to make small steps towards being able to reassess.

If you ever want to talk more in detail, you know where to find me. I'm really glad you've come to this decision anyway and best of luck in your recovery. :)

[madeofstars]

Thanks everyone :)

I've definitely made the right decision, I told my boyfriend yesterday and the look of relief on his face that I'd finally come round to his way of thinking was worth the days of agonising over what to do.

I had pizza and garlic bread for dinner last night because I was a little bit drunk and fancied it. Feel kind of "fat" today but am telling myself that it is perfectly normal, people get drunk and eat pizza and dont feel guilty.

[HollowedShame]

I want to recover at the moment, but I am having a hard time. Let me just warn you that you may or may not slip up BAD in the first little while. But I guess you just have to keep going. I've been told it gets easier as time goes on, but the last week has been hell, and I have done nothing but binge and purge. I don't want to trigger you, I'm just telling you that 'Mia' picked this moment to remind me who has the control. And it's definately not me at this point. I need help so bad, I don't know what to do. Hopefully today will be better than the last, but I just feel so defeated right now... Again, I don't want you to think this is how it will be for you, I'm just trying to warn you that it might happen. To expect to slip up here and there.

I wish you luck in your journey, it's going to take all the strength that you have, and possibly more that you haven't even found in yourself yet. You can do this, no matter what your ED throws your way. It's going to get better, and so are you. I know it. We're all here for you, whenever you need support. And this, I would think, is when you will find you need it most. Stay strong and hang in there. =)

[madeofstars]

Thanks Hollowed Shame, and I'm really sorry you're struggling at the moment, if you ever want to talk, feel free to contact me :) You will get the control back, dont let bulimia win, you're stronger than that deep down, just dont give up fighting <3

I know I seem all positive and happy about it at the moment, but I am fully aware that this is going to be possibly one of the hardest things I have ever done...I'm expecting slip ups and bad days and hard times...it's not even been easy for these two days, trying to silence the voices that are trying to make me restrict and/or binge. Lunch was tough today because I had these damn rice crackers which I would never normally consider having, but made myself eat them to prove that I can vary what I eat and the world wont end (most of my ED is tied up around complete and utter control over what I eat, to the point where I ate the same thing every day because it was "safe")