Doctor phoned...

[gmacarroll]

My doctor's office phoned and asked me to make an appointment to see my dr. right away...they wouldn't tell me why though :(

It's either one of two things
1) My biopsy results from a tumor I just had removed
2) Phoning about my ED

I was hospitalized twice in the space of a month and a half (heart palpitations from laxative abuse, and for "poisoning" myself in order to purge-drank stuff like dish soap, and eye drops and Od'ed on laxatives and diet pills...). They said they were sending my files to my family doctor and that I was being referred to a specialized eating disorder clinic...

The thing is, I don't know if this apt. is for my ED or for my tumor. I don't actually want to go if it's for the ED-I don't want to get better, i'm still so so fat. They transferred both files (tumor and ED) automatically to my doctor (who reminds me of a pedophile tbh) and so i'm not sure which one he wants to see me about. Obviously I need to go if it's in regards to the tumor (kind of important to know if you have cancer or not right?) but i've changed my mind about wanting to go to the ED clinic so want to avoid anything to do with that.

I also keep thinking that my stomach is still swollen and stuff from surgery, and bloated from all the diet soda i've been drinking-what if he thinks i'm fat? I keep thinking "I should probably loose weight in order to go see my doctor about getting help for an eating disorder so he doesn't think i'm fat"...how screwed up is that? I'm more concerned about appearing fat then if I have cancer :S

I'm sorry for the rant...i'm panicking so much :( I don't want to talk to him about my ED, but I also can't NOT make the appointment in case it's about my tumor. :(

[SeaFeel]

I've just noticed this post.
Do you have any updates on the situation? Did you go see the doctor? I am really curious, and really hope that all is well with you!

[gmacarroll]

Ya, I went to go see him...it was about my ED :S He was really sweet about it though, which I appreciated. Most times when i've reached out to doctors I've always felt like they didn't care, like I was just another patient they wanted to get out of their office so they could get to the next one. I'm supposed to be going to a really good ED program at this hospital (out patient)...I don't want to go, but I've had 3 different doctors refer me and my parents are forcing me to go.

I know this is awful, but i'm hoping to take advantage of the therapy offered in order to deal with my depression (when i'm depressed I eat) and to learn how to avoid binges. If I can avoid binges then I can avoid eating all together...plus, if i'm going to treatment no one will think anything of me skipping meals, or preparing my own (i'll say that's what i've been told to do). I know I shouldn't be so stupid and just finally get over this ED, but at the same time I'm so scared to let it go...I won't be me anymore :(

Thanks for replying btw, it's super sweet of you considering how old the post is haha <3

[Jacklinger]

I'm so glad it wasnt cancer!!

i really hope you take advantage of the treatment being offered to you and at least consider maybe recovering.

[SeaFeel]

Hey, thanks for the update, i'm glad you're OK. I mean, almost OK, not counting the ED stuff :)

Jack might be right, this could easily be something GOOD! If they can teach you how to avoid binges, you might even end up with a healthy eating plan in the end :) Good luck again!