HollowedShame
05-02-2010, 12:52 PM
Okay, so my best friend is a guy, and he knows about my ED/Bulimia. I've known him for about 6 years now, and we actually dated off and on for about 4. It wasn't a good relationship however- we get along well as friends, but he really likes skinny girls and frequently messed around behind my back, since I was chubby in highschool. Obviously, I wasn't having that, and we broke up, but it affected my self esteem a lot. In fact, it's probably one of the main reasons I started losing weight. I knew I wasn't good enough for a jerk like him, and so how could I ever hope to get a decent guy being such a fatass.
Anyway, he knows, like I said, and frequently talks to me about it. The only trouble is, he doesn't want to listen to anything I tell him. He does that thing, where the person stares blankly at you like they're listening while you talk, and then as you finish, they blurt out something unrelated. They've been waiting the whole time you were talking, just to say what they wanted to say! And most of the time, it's a repeat of whatever he said right before that. He just tunes me out and then can't understand why I don't want to talk about things. Actually, he does that with just about every conversation we have. But he's the only friend I have that even comes close to listening.
I've tried talking to him about it, and how that makes me feel. I listen to his problems everyday and try to help, but I just can't get any condolences from him. In fact, he's so insensitive about my issues, that he'll comment positively on any weight-loss, and point out when he thinks I've had enough to eat- even going as far as to take it away at times. He'll finish anything I set down for a second, food or drink. I dunno if it's about my weight or not, but it sure seems that way. He got excited a few weeks ago, because he gave me a hug and could finally feel my ribs. Like he was definately happy about it.
I feel like he's manipulating me or trying to mold me into what he wants. It's such a one-sided friendship, I'm getting tired and I want to just give up on him as of recent. But I don't want to be alone. And another part of me thinks I'm being selfish for not putting up with it. After all, that's what friends are for, right? But aren't they also supposed to help you? I'm just so lonely and sad, even though I have someone to hang out with almost everyday...
I'm sorry for ranting. Just need to type out my feelings. I understand if no one wants to reply, my posts never make sense anyway. =)
Anyway, he knows, like I said, and frequently talks to me about it. The only trouble is, he doesn't want to listen to anything I tell him. He does that thing, where the person stares blankly at you like they're listening while you talk, and then as you finish, they blurt out something unrelated. They've been waiting the whole time you were talking, just to say what they wanted to say! And most of the time, it's a repeat of whatever he said right before that. He just tunes me out and then can't understand why I don't want to talk about things. Actually, he does that with just about every conversation we have. But he's the only friend I have that even comes close to listening.
I've tried talking to him about it, and how that makes me feel. I listen to his problems everyday and try to help, but I just can't get any condolences from him. In fact, he's so insensitive about my issues, that he'll comment positively on any weight-loss, and point out when he thinks I've had enough to eat- even going as far as to take it away at times. He'll finish anything I set down for a second, food or drink. I dunno if it's about my weight or not, but it sure seems that way. He got excited a few weeks ago, because he gave me a hug and could finally feel my ribs. Like he was definately happy about it.
I feel like he's manipulating me or trying to mold me into what he wants. It's such a one-sided friendship, I'm getting tired and I want to just give up on him as of recent. But I don't want to be alone. And another part of me thinks I'm being selfish for not putting up with it. After all, that's what friends are for, right? But aren't they also supposed to help you? I'm just so lonely and sad, even though I have someone to hang out with almost everyday...
I'm sorry for ranting. Just need to type out my feelings. I understand if no one wants to reply, my posts never make sense anyway. =)