I.Hate.My.Friends.

[Leanne]

okay so I've had four best friends for the past three years and we were all so close up until christmas time. They started to stop inviting me out and leaving me out a bit in general. They didn't do it that much but all the same it happened a lot. Then, today, they're all going on a roadtrip down to some place and they didn't even fucking invite me. I'm so upset and hurt. I don't think I can hang out with them anymore. They make me feel so horrible :(

I start back in school on Wednesday and plan to confront them. What should I say?

Please answer. I'm so upset :( x

[Jacklinger]

Smile. Ask them if they had fun. Pay very close attention to their answer. Watch the expressions on their faces. Look them in the eyes but don't glare at them.

We afflicted of mental illnesses often become burdensome to the healthy without realizing it. We can stress them out by making them uncomfortable with excessive conversations about sadness, weight, anger, or other negativities. Then our friends will simply not want to be around us much. They will feel like they need vacations from us. We find ourselves more and more alone but are never told to go away, because our friends feel guilty about excluding us and don't want to have to face us about it. Then we force them into a confrontation and it only angers them, driving them away even further.

Or, we can be more conscious of the things we say and do around them, and try to focus on being nice with them and maybe not complain too much. This might mean holding in a lot of feelings at times, but that may be a necessary sacrifice in order to not burden our dear friends with too many of our troubles. Then they will come to value us as good friends who always have a smile for them, and a kind word. And they will feel that things just aren't the same without ole Leanne around. "Where's our Leanne?" they'll say, "I miss her."

Or, maybe they're just jerks that decided to exclude you for no fair reason. But if that's true, they don't deserve you as a friend in the first place, and you suffer no great loss.

[gmacarroll]

<3 I really feel for you, i've had that happen so many times and it hurts so so bad. You know what I always say tho, if your friends are able to treat you so poorly, then they aren't real friends. You don't deserve to be treated that way, and honestly people who love you wouldn't treat you in that manner to begin with. I think you should talk to them about it, see if there is something that can be fixed, or at the very least see where something went wrong. Sometimes people just naturally drift apart, and even though it hurts there is really nothing you can do about it. While this might not be an excuse, another possibility is that they didn't invite you simply because they figured you'd back out. I know that is one of the reasons my friends stop talking to me-I always backed out of hanging out with them because I figured i'd have to eat around them, and that thought petrified me. It was easier to stay at home where I felt safe and in control of what happened then out there with them, in case they wanted to go to a restaurant or to a movie and order junk food etc...

Anyways, my advice is to talk to them in a mature, neutral manner-don't confront them in anger because that will only put them on the defensive. If they don't start acting more like friends, then go out and find new ones-ones that are more sensitive to your feelings and aren't a bunch of bitches. <3 good luck hun, I know it hurts to be excluded, especially by people you've been friends with forever. stay strong and stay positive!

[Leanne]

thanks for replying guys! That means so much to me :) Yeah I think I'll confront them really maturly and just ask them why they didn't invite me. I will be perfectly calm. The thing is though, they only found out I had a ed like last week and they have been leaving me out before then so I dunno. To everyone who knows me I'm extreamly positve and I would never draw attention to myself when I feel sad and depressed so I know that isn't the problem. Thanks so much for the advice guys :) xx

[JetBlack61]

goddamn jack, always with the awesome :3 still, time away from friends is just time to get to know yourself better XD

[gmacarroll]

oh wow...they only found out about your ED a week ago and are now excluding you. That's cold. I know when I told my best friend she pulled away a lot too...then started calling me ugly and disgusting and saying everyone hated me, and then started blackmailing me-saying if I didn't do this or that she'd tell everyone that I had an ED :S Real mature right? I guess you find out who your real friends are during your darkest times.

To be fair though they might just need some space from you in order to kind of decide how they feel about things. Having a friend with an ED can be really complicated and painful for people. They might not understand why, or how this happened, especially if you are always such a positive person. It's like being hit with a brick-how could someone so happy do this to themselves? Maybe they went out for an outing to talk about how they feel about you and your ED-obviously inviting you would have been counterproductive right?

I think you've made the right decision to talk to them in a mature manner, it'll give you the upper hand in the long run. IF they decide they don't want to be your friend they can't go around saying it's because you freaked out at them because you weren't invited to one/couple of thing/s. They might also respect you more for being mature about things. Sounds like you've got a handle on things...please let us know how it goes <3

[drinkingduck]

just talk to them.. ask what you have done wrong? then commit to fixed it...

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