LadyJessica
04-25-2009, 05:07 PM
Hello,
I'm Jessica from the UK and I'm 20.
Been struggling with I guess bulimia for nearly 9 years. Bad times and better times. The last couple of years have been fairly bad really.
I can't help but either not eat or eat and then purge.
Purge until my eyes are bloodshot, i'm throwing up bile, my face is swollen, i have broken veins in my face, around my eyes, dry skin and lips, undoubtedly bad breath, bloatedness, smelling of sick.
I purge until my whole body tries to stop me, shaking, sweating, passing out. The chest pains, for days.
But I continue, secretly liking it, liking being in control(???), liking it being my thing, my secret.
I need to sort this, or I need to change it. I need to change what I'm doing, be more willing to eat small healthy low calorie things regularly to avoid major binges and painful purging.
I'm small, realisitically i know i'm smaller than most, people comment. It doesn't matter though. Means nothing.
I love bones, is that wrong?
I love seeing my ribs in my back.
I need to stop purging, It went hand in hand with my self harm, terrible draining self harm, getting in the bath, getting out of the bath leaving all the blood to run down the plughole. Horrid horrid horrid.
I managed to stop that (i miss it), why did this stay?
I'm sorry for the ranting, I've been dying to type this all day.
J.x
I'm Jessica from the UK and I'm 20.
Been struggling with I guess bulimia for nearly 9 years. Bad times and better times. The last couple of years have been fairly bad really.
I can't help but either not eat or eat and then purge.
Purge until my eyes are bloodshot, i'm throwing up bile, my face is swollen, i have broken veins in my face, around my eyes, dry skin and lips, undoubtedly bad breath, bloatedness, smelling of sick.
I purge until my whole body tries to stop me, shaking, sweating, passing out. The chest pains, for days.
But I continue, secretly liking it, liking being in control(???), liking it being my thing, my secret.
I need to sort this, or I need to change it. I need to change what I'm doing, be more willing to eat small healthy low calorie things regularly to avoid major binges and painful purging.
I'm small, realisitically i know i'm smaller than most, people comment. It doesn't matter though. Means nothing.
I love bones, is that wrong?
I love seeing my ribs in my back.
I need to stop purging, It went hand in hand with my self harm, terrible draining self harm, getting in the bath, getting out of the bath leaving all the blood to run down the plughole. Horrid horrid horrid.
I managed to stop that (i miss it), why did this stay?
I'm sorry for the ranting, I've been dying to type this all day.
J.x