I just don't know......

[amazon2]

I don't know what to do. I've been failing miserably at controlling my eating the last few days and I need SOMETHING to control. Sigh, I know I must sound melodramatic but it's getting so hard to NOT cut. Cutting is immediate and restricting isn't. I don't know, my mind is all messed up and I feel slightly sick and I've had that awful feeling in my chest most of the night. I just......... I don't know. I want to cry but I don't know why, I don't have a reason for why, and yet, once again, I can't. I just........... I don't know.

[silver_elf]

<hugs>
I wish I could cry too. It's been months since I've been able to have a good cry...
Sounds like you're in a really tough place right now. Just hang in there! You don't need a reason to feel upset, sometimes the tension just builds up until you need to release it somehow. Just don't cut if you can help it. Breathe, exercise, be creative, treat yourself, accept where you are right now. Try to be patient, as difficult as that is.
I wish I could help more... but know that my thoughts are with you.

[amazon2]

Thanks. I wish it had been months since I've last cried.... I can't remember the last time. Maybe close to a year....? I don't know. I read somewhere once that crying is a sign of depression but that the inability to cry is a sign of severe depression. I think it has something to do with the fact that you just can't even work of the energy it takes to do so.

And I know I won't cut. In a way, I almost wish I could because I know that it would be easier then. But no, I don't even have the energy to do that. I'm just.... listless. Being swallowed up into the horrible thoughts in my own mind. It makes you realize that no one else can make you crazy but yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it but sit back and watch it slowly happen.

[silver_elf]

Unfortunately that's true... not being able to cry is in fact a sign of depression.

I think I know what you mean about watching yourself slip into a kind of insanity. About watching your thoughts go by and knowing you should be shocked about them- but not being able to summon the energy to care. Being in pain and numb at the same time? And just so weary. Does that sound about right?
At least... I'm glad you won't cut. But I hope you pull through soon.

[amazon2]

I hope I do soon too. It's just so hard to think about that when you are "in the feeling". I suppose I am just glad that at least I am alone in my room right now and not out with anyone. I am allowed to just drift right now and don't have to put on a mask. I dunno, strangely I think part of this mood was put here by my taking some Excedrin for this headache I had. I don't know, it sounds weird but I "feel" weird and that's the only thing I can think of to correlate it to. :/

[x_Brutal-Beauty_x]

Hey amazon,

It sounds as though your feeling pretty down. Telling people about it , was a good idea though. I find talking about how i feel, helps me to get better alot faster. All of here for you, and I really hope you feel well again soon.

P.S: In the future if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me!

*Plenty of hugs* -B.B <3

[amazon2]

Thanks, :) And yeah, I was pretty down. Then I had a major migraine so that didn't really help much and the stuff I took for it just furthered my disassociation :/

[Boy_cano]

Unfortunately that's true... not being able to cry is in fact a sign of depression.

i havnen't cried in two years. crazy right? i've felt like i wanted to cry though..but i didn't really feel anything(or something..)


sorry for not helping you(the topic creaor). i just suck..i dont want this to be about me. am just saying that i am very bad at helping people and such..

[amazon2]

Lol, nah it's fine. Don't feel bad about it. I'm doing pretty good right now anyway..... :)