omg, whats wrong with me?!

[flowersOFconfusion]

Not only do i have a mild case of anorexia (there are times when i have it really bad, and then there are time when i can pretend i dont for a week or so at a time), but i also think i might be bisexual, as i generally find myself more attracted to girls than guys D=
The thing is, from what ive heard, stuff like this - especially anorexia, im sure, comes from a bad past, being mistreated whatever, being called ugly/fat, having a bad life at home, whatever it might be.
- Thats not me. My parents waited until they were like 35 or something to have kids, so that they would be able to provide us with a loving home. I have one younger brother, we're both excellent in school, we have an incredibly stable family, we have family dinners, and my parents will listen to any problems i have, no matter how stupid they are. Not only that, but im almost always being told how gorgeous and stuff i am (NOT 2 be concieted or anything! =0) (& not in the sarcastic way, either - at least i dont think so) i never understood it, honestly, because i could name a whole list of people that i personally think are prettier, but whatever.
Anyway, my question is, how did i EVER end up with anorexia? And bisexuality... i mean, it probably can be just natural, but it still seams really messed up!
Grr, sorry, this was really pointless, im just so cunfused!

[leivina]

I kinda feel the same way... I struggle with anxiety and depression, have for years, and I just can't work out where it's coming from. My childhood was all I could have asked for. Two loving parents, financially stable, great friends, liked in school... but I couldn't help but feeling angry and sad and frustrated by everything, and I still do. I feel like my problems are less legitimate than those of people who have actually had terrible things happen to them. Like without a good reason, maybe my problems can't really be that bad.

I've wondered about it too, for a long time, and I think it may not have anything to do with your family life and origins. I think maybe we were just made with our brains a teeny bit off. So I just try not to worry about HOW it happened so much anymore, just try to live my life in a way that's going to minimize whatever random issues I might have and try to relax.

As for the bisexuality, I don't think that's messed up at all... human sexuality is very fluid. I bet it's also biological and nobody's "fault." Unless you have some specific religious or ethical objection to it I'd just take it easy and try to get comfortable with that part of yourself.

<3
-Leiv

[silver_elf]

Ugh... yes I had the "perfect" life as well. I was a really happy child, too. Then I started going insane. probably around 11-12 ish... became severely depressed and stuff at 15...
My mum and dad were always telling me how beautiful I was. How I was the most perfect child. How intelligent and hardworking I was. How they loved me so much. We ate healthy and exercised a lot too- so what in the world went wrong???

I feel awfully guilty for feeling so horrible all the time with no apparently legitimate reason.

I guess I just was wired to be extra sensitive, and it eventually got to me. Not much we can do about it except deal with what we have, I guess.

And, by the way, I am bisexual as well. It freaked the crap out of me at first, but I think I'm okay with it at this point.

[Dawn]

First off, being bisexual is not a 'mess-up' or anything. It's not a negative but a positive thing, good for you for finding it out and, hopefully, being okay with it.

Secondly, I can't even believe such families exist, good for you. I'm not saying I've had a horrible lot, but... I can see what induced my ED along the way...

Aren't you a perfectionist? Or always trying to be the best, by accident? That one thing came to my mind for your situation now... Just guessing.:)

[flowersOFconfusion]

Thanks guys! Its good 2 know im not the only one!

And dawn... actually, i think that MIGHT be what it is... cuz i suppose with all the compliments and stuff, maybe i just figured i hav 2 try 2 get better 2 KEEP gettingthos comments? It makes sense, i guess =]

[Sassi]

I know exactly how you feel!
I have an amazing family, supportive friends and yet .. I have the urge to not eat. Just stop eating.
I've been called fat before but now I just feel like everyones holding it in.
You sound like a really nice, positive, strong girl! Don't let some bad memories tear you down.

But hey, nobody's perfect :]
Perfection is a picture we have in our mind, which we sometimes look up to.

[Dawn]

Yes, that might be it. When you don't really know what it is, because it's so obvious, you know. If you say so, it might be your hidden perfectionism that's due to being comlimented all your life.

I can so relate to that. I've been critisized all my life, and also been complimented a lot. I have become an extremely competitive person. At first I didn't really like being sent to competitions, way back when I started school. But I've actually grown to like it because I always won. And, hell yeah, I always win. I am the best. This is not me raving, this is a fact you can look up in databases. I just proved I'm the best English speaker in the country, no kidding. Which is great.

Except, it's extra pressure. A lot of it.

So when you're always the best, more significant attention tends to emerge when you don't do as good as you're used to. Thus, obviously, you'll do anything in your powers to avoid it. From this point on, good is not enough. You must be The Best. And when Best is not enough, you turn to seek Perfect.

Does that make sense, you think?

[Cammie123]

Late reply but was just browsing.
I had the perfect upbringing until i got bullied but not for being fat, for jealousy (not being big headed) I got so bullied i was scared to walk outside my house i had a hate website made about me which had a full length picture of me and everything was listed that was wrong with me. Tacy hair, fat legs etc. I had pictures put up round the school listed slag.
BUT thats not what made me not want to eat lol weird but i dont know what did it?!

[flowersOFconfusion]

Dawn - haha, yea, that actually mekes A LOT of sense... Although, unlike u, I'm nit the best English speaker in the country lol :) ;)
and cammie... Omg, that sounds terrible! I can't beleive people would do that! That just pathetic! That miss me think of this 1 quote I saw 1 time - uk ur d best when pple u dnt even know hate u. ;)