I joined so I can vent... finally

[sjsj]

i am a recovered anorexic and im not going to lie. i fucing hate it. i wish everyday i could muster the conrtol i once had to stop eating and slim down. i hate how i look and daily i wish i could jsut puke and return to the body i used to have. i fucking hate myself now and i dont knkow what to do. i guess im looking for inspiration/motivation to regain control in my life

[applecrumble]

what are you trying to say, the fact you hate that your a recovered anorexic???

may I ask why?

[Eeyoer]

I am a little confused hun, in recovery to me means that you have actively made a decision to make a change in your life, doesn't sound like your in full recovery yet to me. But I can totally understand where those feelings are coming from, kind of been there in the past but relapsed.

[sk8rgrl]

I know where you are coming from too.
You may have come a long way, and 'think' you are recovered, but you never are. Eating disorders never leave us. We have altered, and distorted views of food, and eating.
What you are feeling is loss of control. It is your anorexic voice pulling you back.
I often have the feelings you have now.
We wouldn't really want to go back there....not into the thick of it, but I too, sometimes long for the dicipline the illness gave me.

Just try to eat healthy foods. Foods with less 'guilt' factor.

I stick to fruit, chicken, salmon, and pick at cherry tomatoes. If I stick to these foods, I can pretty much nibble all day...tiny amounts, and not put on weight, or feel guilty. Any more than that, and I end up purging.

See, it's never over.

Take care sweets

X