Second thoughts? HELP, PLEASE! >.<

[Sidney]

Hi. I've been in love with a boy since Christmas. Not long ago, he told me he was in love with me too. Could I be happier?
We're not "togheter", but we could might as well be. All I can think about is him, and thats not a bad thing. I daydream, i dream of him at night... I even think of him when I'm going to the toilet. But my toilet-thoughts are not of the good ones. Sometimes I wonder "What if hes a psycho?" or something like that. I dont know him that well, and I've heard bad stories about him. So, I've been thinking, and I decided not to care of hes psycho, I like him anyway. And its not like he isn't kind nowadays.
Now I've come to a point where... I start having second thoughts. It hurts to type this, but I really need some advice!
I've been togheter with a girl before, and I started to doubt my feelings, and started to avoid her. I cant imagine how hurt she must've been. I really dont want this to happen to my boy. I really want us to work, but with me having doubts, it wont work.
Is it normal to have these doubts? Is it me? Am I scared?
If I am, how can I get rid of my fears? Please, I need help!


And if it's not possible, I will try to love him, until I do.

[BCherry]

I've fallen for a guy pretty quickly too and acted on it, based on the fact that he was the only guy to ever say he loved me and it was HORRIBLE. I told myself that it didnt matter that he had problems and that we met in an institute, he and I were in love. We had everything in common, but he was in love with someone he thought I was in his head. Now it was the stupidest thing I ever did. I messed up a lot being with him

So I would just say approach with caution based on experiences Ive had

[Marialise]

There are 2 things to think about... 1) Do you have intimacy issues? and 2) Do you jump into relationships?

1) Some bad stuff happened to me when I was little and I cant/wont let men in. I love my female friendss, my parents, my sister... I can say I love them and accept that they love me too. But not with bfs... when a guy tells me he loves me it repulses me... grosses me out... If this is your issue your fears could be anxiety about intimacy... and by intimacy I don't mean sex (bc I can have sex no prob, but love... no way!!!) ... real, emotional intimacy...

2) Are you looking for love? Are you desperate to be with someone? In this case your nagging fears may actually be based on truth... just a truth you are desperate not to see! Has he done anything to make him a psycho? Does he have complex issues you're not ready to deal with?

In case 1, I would suggest until you get over your issues you will not be able to love someone else. In case 2, do as BCherry says and just be cautious... be flirty and cute, but observe his behavior... if you notice anything you're not ok with end it IMMEDIATELY! The longer you drag it out, the harder he's going to take it. And if the issues you find are significant... don't let him talk you into staying. I've done that way too many times and his feelings just get more hurt the longer you string him along.

Good luck, hon! Keep us updated :)

[Sidney]

Thank you soooo much for the replies! They will help me alot, really.

I actually have to sit down and think about what you guys told me. Okay, let's see...

1) Emotional intimacy. A friend and I were talking (around the time I had started avoiding my ex) and she asked me "Are you scared of relationships?". I remember how I dodged that question, said no and started to talk about something else. It might be intimacy issues, and if it is, I dont want it. >.<


2) "Am I desperate for love?" I asked myself and looked back at my past. Maybe, maybe not. These are big questions, but I will follow your advice and be cautious.

I will, if something comes to my mind, or something happens, I will let you know. :) Thanks again!