i want ana out of my head

[DreamOfThin]

this is going to sound really weird:
i have something that is like multiple personality disorder, only i take on the full symptoms of whatever personality i want during the set time. usually most of them fade away after a while, but with ana, shes slowly taking over me.
i love her, but im so scared. i hate myself, yet i dont want to die because of her. i want to kill ana but i love her too much, and when she leaves i miss her like hell.

how can i kill her witout any guilt? because if i feel guilty then she will revive from the ashes of which she burned from...

i need help, before its too late.

and no , i cant tell anyone, becauseim already a sorry excuse for a person. im never good enough in anyones eyes. music is my only friend.

:(

[SeaFeel]

Aww hun this sounds complicated enough...
Since my nr1 demon is mia, i'm not sure i can advice you on ana, but here's what i do. I'm trying really hard to recover now, and although its hard as hell and i'm still only at the beginning of it, i'm doing okay now.

What i've learnt to accept is that mia will always tempt me, or at least stay in my head for a loooong time, even if now i'm eating healthy and am positive about recovery. So i'm trying to reform our "relationship". I'm slowly taking areas away from her. Sure she is jealous and angry. But i also try to feed her in a way - i eat 5 times a day so she cant be too hungry and think about tons of food and binging. Then i include some sweets in my diet, carefully planned. It's sooo hard for me to eat that stuff due to my restrictive tendencies, but it seems to help. I even lost some weight in the last weeks (of course after the initial gain...).

So my advice in handling these bitches is taking it slow... Negotiate first, compromise later and declare war only when you're already in a winning position :)

It's great you are thinking about recovery, thats step zero!!!