Anyone at early stages of recovery?

[SeaFeel]

I have had serious problems with my weight for at least 3 years, mostly restricting and my weight jojoing like crazy, but what really freaked me out was when mia came along last year. I am not a classic bulimic, I never binge, but purge once I eat something unplanned, or if im uncertain about the calories or if i feel even a little bit full.

I think i was smart at getting help relatively early and now I am trying really hard to get better. Last week was the first time i managed not to purge and keep to eating small meals 5 times a day, and I was sooo happy and excited, and felt proud at my success. I even felt like i can accept maintaining for a while and not worry about losing more weight. I even got to like 1400 cals a day gradually. I thought its gonna get easier now.

But no way! I am getting really stressed about eating healthy and my head is filled with thoughts about having to lose more. I like not purging, but feel i just HAVE TO restrict more. I feel like ok, i wont throw up, thats still good enough but i just cant have all that food i should be eating according to my therapist's plan. And I KNOW it is not good, and my brain is 100% sure that recovery is important, and eating healthy is the way to go. I'm still doing quite ok, just reduced my intake a bit, but feel its gonna lead back to old habits again.

Is anyone in a similar situation? It would be good to hear how you keep the positive attitude and get past the first steps...

[musicgirl]

Hello lovely,

You are really not alone. I feel exactly the same. I know its important to recover but I'm so scared too. MY therapist has told me that they will section me if I carry on so I am trying so so hard to try eat more but it seems everything I eat I feel guilty for. I have been lucky and never turned to mia, jsut major restricting. I had this thing where I could only let me self eat 3 times a day.. if I had a orange that was on took up.. If i ate 3 times i felt safe. Thats out of the window now. Whenever I eat I feel guilty, so trying to recover is so hard because that feeling, it is sending me mad.

Thing is, I do believe it when people say life is better without an eating disorder. Some people seem to enjoy the face they have a ED where to me its torturing me and my family. Just remember, as low as you feel and as dark as your life is...there is a way out. Yes it involved food but... you can be happy. I can't wait until i get the strength to get over this and not think about food.

I know i sound like a hypocrite for I am too at early stages and not doing too good. But keep with it.

All my love x