I asked for help

[FishFace]

Last night I called up a friend, crying and being all bitchy because I was so sick of bingeing and purging and trying to stop and never stopping.

So today I did what my friend's been advising me to do for months: I went to my college's Student Health Services. I talked to a nurse in private. I explained that I had bulimia, had been trying to stop, and had no idea what to do.

So the nurse was super nice and supportive. She asked some painless questions, went over the nasty things bulimia can do to you healthwise, and shared some of her own personal story of overcoming her problem with cutting. She assured me that we didn't have to share any of this with my family or anyone.

I really didn't want to tell others about my problem, to ask for help like some pathetic whiny idiot. But I just couldn't face coming home from school again at the end of the day and starting the ugly cycle of bingeing and purging again and again day after day without hope that I'd be able to ever stop. I went to a teacher first and explained my problem (very uncomfortable, I felt stupid) and he very nicely brought me to the nurse to talk to her (not as uncomfortable as I expected).

I'm scheduled to see a counselor tomorrow, and probably a doctor too. I haven't the slightest idea if this will be helpful for me in becoming bulimia-free, or if they'll be a bunch of unhelpful fuckheads and I just won't be able to change my behavior at all.

Anyway, I'll let all of you know how stuff goes for me. I never imagined I'd take this route. I advised other people to seek help, but I always expected I'd solve all my problems on my own. Now I'm gonna try my own advice, I guess.

Haven't purged today yet, anyway! And I feel kinda happy about things, like I have some people who are on my side and won't treat me like I'm fucking stupid. I hope.

[Thru_The_Looking_Glass]

CONGRADULATIONS!
Good for u, from all the posts ive read of urs, u didnt seem to be doing too well. Therapy works. It takes time and commitment and u may get worse before u get better, but in the end its all worth it.

I just found out today that im going back into my second round of intensive therapy, after being out of it for a year and a half, and they put me back on prozac. It sucks to do it all again, but I kno it works. Give it a shot... GOOD LUCK!

[LiquidSunnshine]

Good luck hunny, it's a hard path that you are about to walk but then the path you were on isn't easy either. I'm amazed at the courage you have... I could never have the courage to ask for help...

Please let us know how you are doing...

[annabella]

well done hun, you have been so strong and i wish you the best of luck.

keep us posted on your progress. xx

[nrn888]

keep it up- its hard but its possible. keep your mind in the right place, thats what its about

[lalalalaah]

That's great FishFace!!! I'm way too stubborn and prud to try and go for help even though I know I should at least tell someone. Way to go though! And good luck (:

[FishFace]

Thanks for all your support, guys. :)

I saw a counselor today, it was a little annoying. It's like everyone wants to convince me that I'm very uncomfortable with being different or unique, and I need to learn to accept how special I am. Like, geez, I'm FINE with being unique, I still don't want to feel like I'm fat. I dunno.

I also saw a doctor, who didn't have any particular help to offer me. But he did actually say something like this: "This isn't that bad. It's a habit like smoking or drugs or drinking. Be grateful you're going through this now, when you're 19. You're going to get through this and be stronger because of it. You'll be able to grow and learn from it, and go on to lead a better life. You'll be glad you went through this, you really will. If you were 40 and started being bulimic, it would be a lot harder because there would be more that had happened in your life that you'd have to work through."

Something like that. I kinda liked it. I've never thought of it that way. I think I'll now dream about the day I can be like "oh, yeah, I was a fucked-up bulimic at 19, but that stuff happens, and now my life is pretty sweet" :)

Anyway, I agreed to see the counselor again in like 2 weeks. I'm gonna keep trying to improve until then.

[LiquidSunnshine]

I'm really glad it went fairly well for you... I am certain you will be able to look back and say "Ya, I was fucked!" Just keep trying to do better and I'm sure you will find some way to work through your issues...

[heart18]

wow i cant believe u had the courage 2 ask for help!thats amazing. your situation is really like mine cos i'm nearly 19 n there is a a student health service im my college but i just cnt get the courage 2 go there. i'm so worried of other people seeing me!do a lot of your friends know and your parents?no one has any dea i'm bulimic and i've managed to keep it secret for over 2 and a half yrs...i cn't even imagine what they'd say if they knew. did the doctor find any problems like electrolyte imbalance or give you any potassium for irregular heartbeat r nething?xxx

[FishFace]

I still can't believe I asked for any help, it's not something I'd normally do. I don't know if it'll even be of any use yet, and I'm still purging about once daily.

I have no courage, but I felt so powerless and clueless about what to do, so I was willing to try anything. It certainly wasn't as bad or embarrassing as I expected, and of course the counselors and nurses and people are totally used to college students with eating disorders or depression. It's nothing strange to them. The doctor didn't actually examine me, I'm doing ok health-wise, so I just introduced myself to him. Hopefully I won't be requiring much medical help for this in the future.

heart 18, if you ever do decide that you want help from your college's health services, I hope you don't worry about people seeing you there. Just act like you've been feeling ill if someone sees you go there. And just ask to see a nurse in private, say it's about personal problems or something vague like that.

My family doesn't know I'm bulimic. I've told two of my friends, one who is in college some 100 miles away from me, and the other I haven't seen in person in a few years. I don't plan to tell anyone else who doesn't already know. And if you're 18 or older, school counselors/doctors can't tell your parents or anyone else unless you want them to (or unless you collapse and have to be hospitalized or something).

[size8jeans]

And if you're 18 or older, school counselors/doctors can't tell your parents or anyone else unless you want them to (or unless you collapse and have to be hospitalized or something).
That's true in the U.S. but laws elsewhere may vary. I'm not sure of the legal "adult" age in other countries. In the U.S. it's 18, though you have to be 21 to drink alcohol. Go figure that one.

[FishFace]

Oh, yeah, that just applies to the US. I don't know how to find out how it is for Ireland or anywhere else.