Probably silly, but here goes...

[HollowedShame]

I'm a virgin, which for my age is a little embarrassing I suppose. I'm 20 years old, and I still haven't had too much experience with intimacy. My past two boyfriends wondered what was up with me, and why I wouldn't have sex with them. I guess they thought I just wasn't into the idea of any of it.

But that's the problem, lol. I do actually want to have sex, and I have a sex drive and such. However, when I'm actually with a guy, I just shut down for some reason. I'm so consumed by how fat I look to him... I feel repulsive... and then I just lose interest in the situation from anxiety. I'm not really sure how to go about such an issue, and it's rather embarrassing obviously. But I just can't bring myself to be intimate with someone. I feel like I'm hurting them in some way or something almost- like I'm so ugly that it's torture for them- despite what they tell me.

Just wondering if anyone else has the same problem, or any advice on how to overcome this. It sucks. :(

[Delphi]

I was a virgin until I was 20. I was embarrassed about it, and whenever I would tell people about it I'd say it was because I just hadn't been in a proper relationship and while not against it in principle didn't want to lose my virginity by just pulling some guy. I believed I was just really unlucky at meeting people. Thing is, since I did lose my virginity I realised that I was scared of being touched and judged physically. I've only slept with two people, one of whom really broke my heart, and now I feel embarrassed when I think about sleeping with him even though I was confident about it at the time. I have since noticed that I really do shut down when people show sexual interest in me. I never thought I had issues with this stuff even though there's stuff in my past that could be a basis for it. Also it's really hard to be that open with your body with someone else when you're so wrapped up in it much of the time...

[gmacarroll]

I was a virgin until I was 20 as well, so don't worry about it. One of my friends didn't loose hers until she was 22.

In some ways i'm the same way. I'm so concerned about how fat I look when i'm having sex that often times I don't even take off my shirt (sexy huh?). When i'm having sex, a lot of times i'm not really into it, i just keep thinking "omg! the way he is doing me must make my fat jiggle so much! I'm so gross, how can he touch me!". Also, whenever my boyfriend isn't in the mood I automatically think "it's cus i'm fat/unattractive". When he is in the mood i think "he's only in the mood because he's thinking of someone else...no way is he turned on by me". It's tough.

At the same time though, I think because of how ugly I am I should be kind of a slut and act like I want it all the time (I've only ever been with/kissed etc... one guy, so i'm not actually a slut). Like, i've never ever turned my boyfriend down (even if i'm not in the mood) because I think "well, he's only with me because he's getting laid, so if i stop he'll leave and i'll be alone". Also, when I lost it to him I did it really really quickly (like before we even started going out) and the only reason I did it so soon was because I thought I had to or else he wouldn't like me anymore. Like i'm not worth waiting for.

[siany]

it nothing to be ashamed off :)
have you considered maybe when your next in a long relationship and you stay over theirs or they stay over yours to just keep your top on or what ever... or wear a long dress or something?
when my boyfriend wants to have sex with me i make sure i always agree to it when its night time and the room is pitch black, and i refuse to take my top off.. im so ashamed off my body.
but to be honest you should wait untill you find someone you completely feel comfortable around, and then you'll know their the one :)

good luck babe xx

[HollowedShame]

Firstly, thank you guys so much for responding to me! I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one who waited a while- all my friends lost their virginity back in high school so they're always on my case to get out there and 'git 'er done' lol. I think like Delphi was saying, it's a combination of not finding the right person yet, and I'm thinking I might have some comfort issues underlying some where. Probably all the anxiety about my own body, I find it hard to think someone else could love me or be attracted to me if I can hardly look at myself without turning my own stomach. :(

I know what you mean gmacarroll, I feel in a way like I'm not 'worth waiting for'... My last boyfriend actually told me that, mind you he was drinking and understandably frustrated that I wasn't showing any interest in him at the time. Thankfully, I didn't go through with it for him though- it was innappropriate for him to say that in my eyes, and probably the last thing on earth he could have said to get himself in my pants lol.

Siany- Thank you, I'm definately going to wait until I've found someone I'm comfortable around. Probably going to be a while, since it takes me so long to warm up to others in person hehe... But then again, what's the rush I suppose?

Again thank you all, I really appreciate your responses! ^_^

[esther257]

Sex can make you feel very vulnerable especially if you are not comfortable in your own skin.

Next time you are with a guy and he puts the moves on you just be honest about how you feel. If he is worth being with then he will be understanding and supportive and patient. Guys get insecure just like us and it may be that he needs to know that you are into him but you are working through some body image issues.

Hope that helps...and I was almost 19 when I lost it so no worries about rushing into it :D

[HollowedShame]

Thank you, it does help. ^_^ Hehe, I guess telling him how I feel would be a good 'jerk-detector', I could use that to my advantage!

[esther257]

Glad to hear that :D

[hungermuffin]

I am sort of a virgin. I am 20 years old, but i was raped when i was 19. besides that I have not had sex. Mostly due to fear and hating my body-I feel so fat and gross in bed, and so how can I possibly enjoy any of this? My last bf of 3 years was fine waiting, and my current one is, too, but I do feel bad because of the reasoning behind why I want to abstain (fatness). Not a healthy reason such as religion or not being ready.
I simply do not deserve sex and my partner, i am convinced, does not deserve to have sex with such a nasty thing (me).